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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Miss Manners: Airline passenger shocked – shocked! – by reclining seat

By Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin Andrews McMeel Syndication

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a tall, heavy person, I know that modern economy airline seats are tight and that the couple inches lost to a reclining seat can feel massive. But I have never thrown a fit like the woman behind me on an international flight (10 hours, with time change, overnight).

The moment I leaned back, she screamed about losing all her space and tapped my arm, asking me to sit up. I apologized (which I now regret, because I wasn’t really sorry) and said that I wished to sleep. She insisted that I sit up, and when I pointed out that the man in front of me had laid back to sleep as well, she said, “And that’s my problem?” To which I really wanted to say “yes,” but held my tongue, saying instead, “That is how the airlines designed the plane.”

I went back to trying to sleep, only to have her discreetly kick/hit the back of my seat for the next two hours! I was so upset I didn’t know what to say. I thought it was my right to lean my seat back. And when I gave up trying to sleep, I sat up (unlike the man in front of me). Did I act correctly? Was there something else I should have done?

GENTLE READER: Yes. Told on her.

Your assertion about how planes are built is correct, and it leaves the discomfort to be dealt with by passengers trying, against all odds, to stay out of one another’s way. But kicking and screaming is not the way to deal with this.

You should throw the problem back on the airlines by asking its representative, the hapless flight attendant who is not at fault, to mitigate the unpleasant situation: “Excuse me, but I am afraid that using the recline function is causing this woman discomfort. Is there anything to be done?”

Miss Manners fears that what is most likely to be done – moving the complainer to a space with more room, or at least a different person to complain to – is rewarding bad behavior. But at least it would no longer be your problem – and you could get some much-needed sleep.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: So I work the third shift at a tech company. I found out through a brief conversation that the secretary at my company has a shared interest with me. I was wondering if it would be weird or socially unacceptable to give her a gift for Christmas related to our shared interest.

The gift is maybe $20, but because of our work schedules, I only talk with her for a few minutes every once in a while when I stay late. I suffer from social anxiety (part of the reason I enjoy working nights), so I realize I could be worrying over nothing, but I just wanted to know for sure.

GENTLE READER: There is nothing wrong with giving a small present to a co-worker – as long as there is no chance of it being misinterpreted as an unwanted overture. Miss Manners therefore hopes that your shared interest is not in bath products – or riding crops.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com.