Your loved one has died … and during this pandemic, you are left alone, without the supports that typically surround you.

The rituals that help us bid our loved ones goodbye are in limbo: no funerals, no supportive touch – no hugs, no arms around shoulders, no warm handclasps. Gone, too, are sitting on the couch with friends and family, sharing stories that bring tears and laughter.

How can we grieve well in this time of COVID-19?

Six helpful steps are all still possible.

1) Name what you grieve: What did you lose when your loved one died?

What we have lost is as individual as each one of us. We may have lost the one person who provided unconditional love. Or perhaps we lost that constant critical voice that we struggle to grow beyond, instead of reacting. We may have lost our soul mate, our life companion and wonder: How can we go on?

Name what you lost when you lost your loved one: journal, write a letter to your loved one, reflect quietly.

2) Set aside time and a safe space to be present to your grief.

Whether sadness, anger, a hole in your heart, or an exquisitely painful sense of being alone, set time aside to pay attention to your feelings. And let that be OK. The feelings that we have are part of who we are, part of how life has formed us. Being present to your feelings moves the process of grief forward. The feelings will shift from day to day. That’s OK, too. Trust your inner process.

And be gentle to yourself when grief pops up unexpectedly. A sight, a sound, a fragrance, a special place – many things may suddenly overwhelm us with memories of our loved ones.

3) Connect with people. Use whatever means you have – social media, FaceTime, phone, Skype, writing a card or letter – to connect with others or to offer support as you work through your grief. Set a time to meet virtually. Ask friends to listen and support, and be that compassionate presence for those who grieve.

4) Have rituals that give concrete expression to the person you have lost and honor your memory of that person. Create a space in your home to honor your loved one. Your choices are unique to you and your loved one – pictures; symbols that express that person’s life; a memory box in which you place words that describe what the person meant to you; a candle that can be lit at the times you set aside to reflect and remember.

5) Keep your focus on what is possible, not on what isn’t.

Two sisters on the West Side of our state lost their brother in Spokane this past week. Unable to make the trip, unable to have a funeral, they decided to write a letter to that brother, and set aside a time to read their letters to each other over the phone.

Don’t get hung up on what can’t happen now. Affirm and plan what can.

It’s all right to say, “I am so terribly sorry/upset to not have the funeral that I had hoped would honor him/her one final time.” But don’t go down the path where you say, “So this will never be OK with me for the rest of my life.”

You will always know the love you shared, the conflicts you endured and survived, the memories you shared with the person who died.

Plan what’s possible. Create ways to connect with others, to share rituals, to share stories.

6) Decide how you can live your life today in a way that honors the deceased’s memory.

You are a changed person because of your relationship with the person who died.

Honor that by embracing qualities, values, commitments and activities that help the spirit of that person live on in you.

The pain of grief is an inevitable part of losing someone we love. Despite COVID-19 restrictions, grieve your loss. And in honor of the memory of your loved one who has died, allow yourself to move through grief into a deeper appreciation and embrace of life.