Miss Manners 8/25
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband has been working from home, like many others, so I have heard many work conversations. He is the oldest in his office of 20 or so people. Most of the others are young enough to be his kids, and he calls them “kiddo.”
This irritates me, and I’m guessing it does the workers, as well, but they don’t say anything. Would you please explain why this is not a good idea?
Ditto for eating while on the phone and clicking his pen. Everything is amplified on a phone!
GENTLE READER: So is the extent to which it can get on someone’s nerves to be monitored and critiqued while trying to work.
That is not to say that spouses cannot deliver advice. But if you want to discuss the etiquette of working remotely with others, Miss Manners suggests you pick a time when you are both at leisure, and approach it as a challenge that many now share and are testing out.
Whether this group was used to eating at their desks would be a factor in how they felt about snacking during virtual meetings. And whether your husband’s young colleagues are amused or annoyed by his mode of address, Miss Manners cannot say. She remembers a prominent editor who called the young staff “kid,” which seemed to inspire the hope of rising to be considered his equal.
A polite discussion of what works best might be useful. Hovering over someone who is trying to work is not.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend’s daughter’s wedding was canceled because of the coronavirus, and it has now been rescheduled to be a Zoom ceremony.
What type of gift is required for a Zoom wedding? Should I spend the same amount of money that I would have for an in-person wedding?
GENTLE READER: What do you suppose determines the amount of money to be spent on a wedding present?
Miss Manners fears that you may be the victim of that vulgar notion that the amount spent must equal the cost of entertaining the guest.
Nonsense. Spend the amount it costs to buy something you believe will please the couple, and that you can afford. Where they are being married has nothing to do with it.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have two wonderful sisters. I send them gifts for birthdays and holidays. One sister always sends a lovely thank-you note – either a letter or an email. One sister never responds or acknowledges a gift, in writing or electronically. Is it polite to inquire, after a month or more has elapsed, whether the gift(s) arrived or not?
Sometimes I might send an e-gift card, and I once inquired if it got stuck in her spam folder. Other times I don’t ask. Is it ever OK to ask if someone received a gift?
GENTLE READER: She did receive them.
Miss Manners is sorry to have to tell you that your parents succeeded in teaching gratitude, and how to express it, to only two out of the three sisters. So yes, you may voice your dismay that the offering must have been lost.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website missmanners.com.