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Spin Control: This look at 2020 isn’t necessarily 20/20

The year 2020 stretches before us as a blank slate full of possibilities, like a fresh coat of overnight snow on the front lawn before the neighbor’s dog makes his morning rounds.

Spin Control could project all kinds of wonderful things for the coming year but that would involve more optimism than is probably warranted. Instead, we look into our somewhat clouded crystal ball, utter “eenie, meanie, chili beanie,” the famous words of Bullwinkle the Moose, and predict some things that might happen, based on past experience.

The Legislature will convene on Jan. 13 with general calls for cooperation and bipartisanship. Because Democrats control both chambers and the governor’s office, and almost everyone defines “bipartisanship” as “giving up what you want and doing what I want,” and any tough issues will be resolved along party-line votes.

Gov. Jay Inslee will exhort legislators to be bold, think big and push ahead on important issues facing Washington, like climate change, early childhood education, transportation and homelessness. Legislative Republicans who spent much of last year complaining Inslee was spending too much time campaigning for president, will suggest he re-enter that race so they can have some peace.

Tim Eyman will continue to complain about the way the state Attorney General’s office is defending Initiative 976, the $30 car tab measure. Although he’s a party to the lawsuit in King County and has filed a separate lawsuit in Thurston County, he will hold a series of 37 press conferences to announce plans to file lawsuits in the state’s remaining counties.

Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers will be rumored to be under consideration for an appointment in the Trump Administration, prompting 10 Republicans in Eastern Washington to make plans to run for her congressional seat. The rumors won’t turn out to be true.

A cold snap will result in record low temperatures in Washington, prompting people who confuse weather with climate to say it proves global warming is a hoax.

The Trump administration will announce its latest change in immigration policy. Washington Attorney General Bob Ferguson will file a lawsuit to block the change.

Washington’s presidential preference primary ballot on March 10 will have the largest selection of Democrats on it in history. Half of them will have already dropped out by March 9 having done poorly in the previous week’s Super Tuesday contests. Many of the remaining candidates will campaign in Washington, warning it is the most important election of a generation. None will set foot in Eastern Washington.

High winds will push a wall of tumbleweeds across Eastern Washington and completely bury Richland in a second Tumblegeddon. The tumbleweeds will be followed by plague of radioactive frogs from the nearby Hanford Nuclear Reservation, and possibly a Zombie Apocalypse.

In an effort to get an 11th congressional seat, Washington officials will step up efforts to get reluctant residents to fill out their 2020 Census forms. They will have more success convincing undocumented immigrants that providing information won’t get them deported than convincing militia members it’s not a plot by the government to round them up into UN relocation camps.

Eyman hold a press conference to complain about the way the state is defending I-976, and file a writ of certiorari with a U.S. Supreme Court claiming his constitutional rights are being violated.

President Donald Trump will hold a campaign rally in Washington, warning that it’s the most important election of anyone’s lifetime. The crowd will prompt state Republican Party officials to predict the state will “turn the state red” in the upcoming presidential election for the first time since 1984.

The Trump administration will announce a change to environmental policy. Ferguson will file a lawsuit to block the change.

McMorris Rodgers will be rumored to be retiring from the House at the end of her term, prompting 20 Republicans to make plans to run for her seat. She’ll file for re-election.

Washington will see a record number of independent and minor-party candidates filing for statewide office in May. The state will collect a small fortune in filing fees; none of them will advance to the general election in a race that also has at least one Democrat and one Republican.

Parts of Washington will experience record-high temperatures in the summer, prompting people who confuse weather with climate to say it proves global warming is real.

Before the Republican National Convention, McMorris Rodgers will be rumored to be in line as Trump’s vice president because he’s going to dump Mike Pence, prompting 30 Republicans in Eastern Washington to make plans to run for her seat. The rumors won’t turn out to be true.

Eyman will hold a press conference to complain about the state’s defense of I-976 and announce he will file a claim with the International Court of Justice in The Hague that it’s a violation of the Geneva Convention.

The Trump administration will announce a policy to change the way it changes policy. Ferguson will file a lawsuit to block the change policy changes.

The November general election will be described by both candidates as the most consequential in the history of the civilization. Whether you conclude they are right, or slightly exaggerating, will depend on who wins and whether you voted for the winner.

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