Monday Night Football?
Try Monday Night at the Comedy Store.
When you match the hapless Philadelphia Eagles with the Seattle Seahawks who only know one way to play – to the level of their opposition – it’s not just a laugh a minute, it’s a laugh a down.
Remember, it’s a two-drink minimum, folks. Hope you all brought a designated driver.
This was supposed to be a referendum on Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz and his future. Mostly on what he’d be called. Fan choice is down to Carson Whyz, or Carson Gonz.
The Eagles did some great preparation for this game. They scripted their first five three-and-outs.
The Seahawks looked sharp on their first possession, though – driving to the Philadelphia 2-yard line. Then they brought back Darrell Bevell to make the play call.
Just kidding. The offensive coordinator who made the Super Bowl goal-line slant pass part of Seahawks lore is busy now – he’s the interim head coach in Detroit. Man, karma really is a bitch.
Anyway, on fourth-and-goal at the 2, the latest OC, Brian Schottenheimer, used a timeout to brainstorm a fly sweep to David Moore. It’s a shame that DK Metcalf and Ethan Pocic missed their blocks. Otherwise Moore might have made it back to the line of scrimmage.
At least running back Chris Carson now knows he’s every bit as revered as Marshawn Lynch, getting snubbed at the goal line like that.
This was Carson’s first action after missing four games with a foot sprain. He was rewarded with eight carries. Apparently, the staff wanted one more game to prove how critical he is to the offense.
It’s crazy though – the Seahawks had another fourth-and-2 just a few minutes later at the Philly 37. So it was a great chance to get the ball to Carson. Good thing the Seahawks had another timeout to spare, so they could call a pass play instead. But, hey, those work, too. If you don’t get sacked.
Also, Carson wasn’t even in the game on that play. It was Carlos Hyde at running back. Or Carlos Hide, in Seattle’s short-yardage play-calling nomenclature.
Seattle’s the only team in the NFL that hasn’t had a positive COVID-19 test yet. But, man, those fourth-and-2 protocols are brutal.
“I had a terrible first quarter,” said Seattle coach Pete Carroll. “I felt like I took the momentum away from us. I didn’t play that much better later in the game, either.”
Hey, we’ll do the jokes, coach.
And if you thought the Seahawks’ timeout usage hit a new low, at least Russell Wilson took a delay of game penalty instead of burning their last one on the next series.
New Seahawks motto: Let Russ Clock.
Carson wasn’t taking any chances the next time Seattle had the ball. He scored on a brutish run from 16 yards out, carrying Philly’s Rodney McLeod the last three yards into the end zone. The game was halted briefly at that point so that Carson could negotiate his contract extension.
Meanwhile, the Eagles got out of the first quarter with minus-4 total yards. It could have been worse, but a false start wiped out what would have been a certain sack.
Philly fans can be merciless, but of course no fans were allowed inside Lincoln Financial Field because of the pandemic. But it was the first recorded instance of empty seats booing.
Philly coach Doug Pederson brought backup quarterback Jalen Hurts in to start the second quarter. But after he completed a six-yard pass, he got yanked so as not to destroy Wentz’s confidence.
No truth to the rumor that the Eagles tried to deal for Denver’s Kendall Hinton during the game.
Also, it’s fake news that Pederson tried to steal from the Broncos’ playbook and get Wentz and Hurts to come to quarterback meetings without their masks this week.
The Eagles didn’t get a first down until fewer than five minutes remained in the first half. It’s a new football concept: the prevent offense.
Trying to get the offense jump-started, the Eagles went no huddle their last possession of the first half. But plays got called anyway. Which reminds us – in these COVID times, shouldn’t all teams be going no huddle?
The officials tried to do their part. Wentz should have been flagged for intentional grounding when his throwaway after a bad snap came up two yards short of the line of scrimmage. But the refs just figured he was trying to maintain the COVID protocol of six feet of distance.
By the way, if you gamblers shut off the tube thinking it was over when the Seattle lead reached 23-9, be advised that the Seahawks gave up a Hail Mary touchdown and a two-point conversion with 12 seconds to go. So the final was 23-17.
The spread was 6½.
No, no kidding.
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