John Blanchette: With little-to-no new material to work with, a look back at the classics will have to do ahead of The Oscars

It is at this point every year – Oscars weekend – when I re-emerge in a Punxsutawney Philial way to lament Hollywood’s dismissiveness of the sports genre not just in the distribution of hardware, but in actual production.

Then I make up a bunch of shoulda-woulda sports movies to prove it.

But this year, the industry dished up a nasty curve: It didn’t release any movies at all!

OK, that’s not true.

It turns out three or four new films did come out in 2020, and the Academy Awards are going on as usual Sunday night. But with the world gripped by the COVID-19 pandemic, no movie theaters were open to screen these gems, at least not in our town.

In order to view anything current, you had to subscribe to Netmax or HBO Prime or something, and as my cable/internet bill is already approaching the deficit depth of Washington State’s athletic budget, I decided to take a wild stab at living within my means rather than hiring a Director of Scavenging Refugee Football Players from the Transfer Portal.

Actually, thanks to one of those one-time freebie come-ons, I was able to see “The Trial of the Chicago 7.” But it was disappointing to discover the plot centered on some 1960s political theatre and not all those quarterbacks the Bears auditioned when they were trying to find an alternative to Mitch Trubisky.

So in the end, I made do on the cheap – by watching old movies on basic cable. Amazingly, it turns out some Hollywood classics were sports flicks after all:

Rain Man: To a batting order of mascots that already includes Otto, Doris, Recycle Man and Ribby, the Spokane Indians come up with another costumed attraction in the spirit of the weather forecast for a season that now starts six weeks earlier.

Apocalypse Now: After winning 31 games without a loss, Gonzaga runs into Baylor – motivated, veteran and, well, better – in the national championship game.

Grand Illusion: The Washington Huskies reign as 2020 Pac-12 North football champions, despite beating just one other division opponent.

The King’s Speech: In a Zoom presentation to a local Rotary club, soon-to-be-former Seattle Mariners president and CEO Kevin Mather manages to confess to service time manipulation of the franchise’s best prospect, insult Asian and Latino players still learning English and label his No. 1 starting pitcher “boring.”

Round Midnight: The bad news: Pac-12 Networks has lost 17% of its subscribers in two years. The good news: Kickoff times will remain the same!

A Star Is Born: Jalen Suggs, 40-foot bank shot at the overtime buzzer, for the win. Of course, now he’s off to be somebody else’s star. That’s how these things work.

Fargo: Whether it’s the fall or the spring, North Dakota State has the super-secret formula for bringing Eastern Washington’s football season to an end: running the football.

Little Women: One rack of dumbbells in the basketball tournament’s “weight room,” no announcers planned for the first round of volleyball, no showers at the softball World Series … yeah, the NCAA’s updated commitment to gender equity retains its 1860s flavor.

Million Dollar Baby: Washington State strikes a deal with Gesa Credit Union for naming rights to the football field: $11 million over 10 years. In other fundraising news, fans will be required to drop a dollar in any of the jars located at their seats any time they mispronounce it to sound like a certain former quarterback non grata.

Chef: Seattle’s favorite new restaurant – Let Russ Cook – follows the lead of a lot of eateries when business tanks in November and gets shuttered in January. But at least those places had COVID to blame.

No Country for Old Men: Our national pastime kicks traditionalists – and anyone who loves actual baseball – in the teeth by mandating that extra innings begin with a runner on second.

The Conversation: Nick Rolovich’s tenure as WSU’s head football coach gets off to a dissonant start when receiver Kassidy Woods tapes their phone discussion about the nuances of opting out of the 2020 season.

Get Out: Larry Scott, outgoing commissioner of the Pac-12. Finally.

Exodus: As a review of EWU’s athletic future slogs on, 15 basketball players from the men’s and women’s programs scurry into the NCAA transfer portal. If it’s debatable that athletics increases enrollment, it’s pretty clear what doesn’t.

Boys Town: Pete Carroll’s back in the Father Flanagan business, signing defensive end Aldon Smith – suspended for all or parts of six NFL seasons due to domestic violence cases, hit-and-run and substance abuse issues. Within a week, a warrant is out for his arrest on battery charges.

Lost in Translation: Gonzaga’s overseas recruiter extraordinaire Tommy Lloyd scores a head coaching job at Arizona, and the Zags’ latest international recruit – Fanbo Zeng – flips on his commitment to join the G League instead.

La La Land: Bill Walton fills out his NCAA Tournament bracket and manages to place five Pac-12 schools in the Final Four. Turns out he’s closer to right than wrong.