Dear Kiantha: When the holidays aren’t jolly and bright

Dear Kiantha,

With everything jolly and bright, what is the worst Christmas you’ve ever had? I have my own share of bad holiday seasons, but I am hoping I am not the only one.

Friend,

You most certainly are not the only person to have experienced a bad holiday season or two.

In my summation a disappointing holiday season is far more common than we might imagine. Not everyone who observes the holidays is able to celebrate in the ways they might desire. People are struggling, and many hearts are broken during this time of the year. Remembering loved ones gone, fading family memories are just a few reasons the holiday season can be tough.

The worst Christmas I have ever had happened 27 years ago. I was a young mother of a school-age son, and I was having a particularly hard time that year taking care of our small family. I had relocated to a new state and was barely getting by meeting our basic needs.

As the calendar turned and we inched closer to Christmas, I felt both disappointment and failure. I had nothing to give my son. There was no extra money. What kid doesn’t want to have a gift to open on Christmas morning?

My pride would not allow me to ask anyone for any help. I imagine that there were community programs I could have accessed for support, but I talked myself out of doing so as in my mind those resources were for people much worse off than us.

It was late afternoon on Christmas Eve, my 5-year-old son and I walked to our neighborhood Walgreens.

I took every dime I could scrounge up which ended up being just over $8. That was all that I had to my name.

While we walked around the store, I asked my son to tell me what he would want for Christmas if he could only get one thing. I convinced my son that it needed to be very special, something that would make him so happy.

I looked in his sweet brown eyes as he held his index finger up to his chin in deep thought. He didn’t know or understand that we were poor, he didn’t know that I could not give him the shiny red bows and larger-than-life gift-wrapped boxes. I felt broken and it was the lowest moment I had experienced as a mother.

To my surprise, what my son decided would be the best holiday gift he could receive was a set of mini playing cards to practice his magic tricks as he had decided that he wanted to be a magician when he grew up. And there they sat, on the counter at the register, for a whopping $1.99.

I am happy to report that life got better for the two of us and my Christmas wish this year is that the same will happen for you.

Soul to soul,

Kiantha

Dear Kiantha can be read Fridays in The Spokesman-Review. To submit a question, email DearKiantha@gmail.com.