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Opinion >  Column

Dear Kiantha: Self-reflection can be painful but rewarding

Dear Kiantha,

Everything happening in the world is really causing me to evaluate who I am, what I want out of this life and what matters. The deeper I explore who I am the more lost I feel. For the first time in my life, I’m acknowledging those things about myself that are not pretty and some of it scares me. Is this self-discovery something that everyone goes through?

Dear Friend,

First things first, I hope you are wearing your protective gear as self-exploration and -excavation work can get messy. It is never a bad idea to use therapy as a resource during this process. Secondly, I am so excited for all the treasures that you are sure to find in the process.

There are many threads that connect us one to another. One of those threads being the eventual desire to go deeper into ourselves to evaluate who we are and why we are and what we are.

Some of us remain perpetually in a state of discovery. I fall into that category where I am always looking deeper within myself to understand myself. I am always looking for the leak in this old building.

Self-evaluation can be one of the most painful and rewarding processes we experience in our lifetime. Digging deep into our own thinking and understanding often uncovers unhealed wounds and trauma. This evaluation also reveals to us areas of strength and pride.

I believe there is a reason why this process is often driven by what is happening in the world. In the same way that we try to wrap our minds around the current happenings, our spirit wants to understand if there are things about us that contribute to where we (humanity) are.

What we uncover in self-exploration is treasure. Even those things in which we identify as needing to be excavated. In my own journey, I have learned and am very proud of the depth of resilience I have had my entire life. I am more conscious that there are others who may have also experienced trauma in their lives, and they were not able to draw from a never ending well of resilience. I am empathetic to their struggles.

I have also learned about what is at the core of some of those leaks in my own building: why I think a certain way, respond to things in certain ways and process the way I do.

I’ve had to do quite a bit of excavation work to rid my mind and heart of the barriers (boulders) that prevented me from being my best self and contributing positively to the world we live in, which is often in tumult.

Feeling lost during the process means you are right where you are supposed to be. It means that you are working in unfamiliar, untapped territory. That is where the deep work happens and where the truest form of you is discovered.

Be courageous and keep digging. The treasure you will find is you.

Soul to soul,


Dear Kiantha can be read Fridays in The Spokesman-Review. To submit a question, please email

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