MARRAKECH, Morocco – Look to your left and read the dateline, dear readers. Does that look like the home of the Washington State Cougars? Through a bizarre mix-up at SeaTac International Airport, your intrepid columnist ended up on the wrong side of the Atlantic.
An ardent airplane sleeper, when I was rousted from my slumber by an errant drinks cart and saw the wheat fields of Iowa, I merely thought we were flying over the glorious Palouse. That is what I’m telling my sports editors, anyway. Don’t blow my cover.
So sorry, comrade. I won’t be serving as your correspondent at Gesa Field for this 114th Apple Cup. But fear not. We have a backup plan.
Friends, it is time for Mad Libs. No, not the Mad Libs who want to abolish police and property rights, the choose-your-own-adventure storytelling game where I offer options and you circle the one that best fits. So cut out this column, tape it to your fridge, and select the best answer during Saturday’s game.
Well, folks. The Apple Cup is (going back/staying) where it belongs. Thanks to the quick wits and strong arm of star transfer quarterback (Cam Ward/Michael Penix Jr.), the (Washington Huskies/Washington State Cougars) put away their hated rival by a score of (__ to ___) on Saturday night.
There was jubilation aplenty on the field after the game, as (cheers/boos) rained down on the celebrating (Huskies/Cougars) and Gov. Jay Inslee put his arm around first-year head coach (Jake Dickert/Kalen DeBoer) and posed for the cameras.
“This is because of (Husky/Cougar) nation,” the hoarse-voiced coach rasped to broadcaster (Tony Castricone/Matt Chazanow) moments before receiving a subfreezing Gatorade shower from his players. “My family absolutely loves it in (Pullman/Seattle) and we plan to stay (here/there) for a long time.”
Coming into Saturday’s game, the pundits thought (Penix Jr./Ward) would be too much for the (Dawgs/Cougs) to handle. But the superlative pass-rushing of (Daiyan Henley/Bralen Trice) kept the quarterback on his heels all day, and the (Florida/Texas)-born thrower proved unable to adjust to the (snow/cold).
Of course, there was an embarrassing moment when some hooligans almost ruined a great day of football for everybody. Caught up in the spirit of the rivalry, and likely caught up in some spirits, a group of (WSU students/visiting middle-aged men wearing purple) started throwing (ice/snowballs/beer) onto the (field/marching band).
Despite those shenanigans, the upshot of the game remains the same: Bragging rights are firmly established, and for the next year in office parks all across the Evergreen State co-workers will smugly pull out their (Butch T. Cougar/Harry the Husky) bobbleheads and smirk at their less-fortunate colleagues.
Well readers, it has been a pleasure covering the Cougars for you this season. But don’t be sad that our time together had come to an end – just like a bunch of soon-to-be conceived children named (Kalen/Daiyan), next season is only nine months away.
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