Dear Annie: Perturbed by husband’s hidden pictures

Dear Annie: My husband and I are very open and trusting with one another. However, I noticed he has recently been more cautious about me looking at his phone screen while he’s using it. It seems he’s always trying to close a window and lock his phone whenever I walk into the room.

So, I gave into my curiosity and looked at his phone while he was still sleeping one morning. I found a “hidden” folder of photos of women – most of whom we know in real life. Neighbors. A close friend. And they’re not “nudes.” These are photos taken from their social media pages where they are wearing something revealing or posing promiscuously.

I don’t know how to handle bringing this up to my husband. I feel really guilty in the first place for breaking our trust and snooping on his phone, but it feels really strange that he has those photos like that on there, especially of people we know. It feels like cheating.

I’m not a prude about explicit content. People look at it; it’s no big deal. I don’t consider watching pornography to be cheating. However, again, these are women we know, and to save these kinds of photos to your phone is so strange. I want to tell my husband how this has made me feel, but I’m really hesitant to even say anything at all. I’ve been holding in my emotions while I figure out how to approach this, and it’s making me sick. I can’t handle seeing him every day and not telling him what’s on my mind.

Annie, what do you think? Is it a big deal that my husband has these photos? Is it even worth it to have this conversation? If so, where do I start? – Shocked at Secret Photos

Dear Shocked: Anything that makes you or your partner uncomfortable is certainly worth having a conversation about. I agree that risque photos of women you both know feels more alarming than admiring a supermodel or popular female celebrity; the familiarity with and accessibility to these women in real life is understandably unsettling.

Come clean with your husband about what you saw and how it made you feel. The longer you wait, the more anxious and insecure you will be. While you describe your marriage as one that is “open” and “trusting,” those, too, can benefit from couples counseling. The fact that you felt compelled to look through your husband’s phone in the first place tells me that the pillars of trust in your relationship could use some TLC.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.