Arrow-right Camera
Subscribe now

This column reflects the opinion of the writer. Learn about the differences between a news story and an opinion column.

Dear Kiantha: Cryptic social messages need to be addressed

Dear Kiantha,

I have a friend who posts cryptic messages on social media, and I feel like she is always talking about me and the things she knows about my family. It makes me feel exposed and betrayed. Do I bring this up to her?

Dear Friend,

As a rule of thumb, anything that makes you feel feelings as strong as betrayal you should always address. When these types of feelings are not addressed, the thoughts that accompany them run rent free in your mind and that can torment you more than the initial feeling itself.

Social media can be both a beautiful vehicle for connection and a wicked web of hurtful comments typed for others to try to figure out if said comments are meant for or about them.

In the case of your friend, her cryptic posts may or may not be about you and your family. The only way to find out is to simply ask her. Social media is an open space for people to express their feelings and thoughts about whatever, that doesn’t always translate to a good experience for the person they may be speaking about or the readers. That, unfortunately, is not something that can be controlled.

When you bring it up to your friend, consider asking her to agree to not post things that you share with her as they are private. Let’s hope she can respect your request and understand why you are asking that of her.

When we share personal information with others, it can have a way of making us feel vulnerable and sometimes exposed, would you consider that that may be happening in this situation? You may learn that the posts are not in fact about you and your family at all. Go figure.

Soul to Soul,


Dear Kiantha can be read Fridays in The Spokesman-Review. To read this column in Spanish, visit To submit a question, email

More from this author