Dear Annie: The impact of bullying lasts a lifetime
Dear Annie: You have run several letters about bullying, and I have to add something to this topic. Bullying by teachers in school had a profound negative effect on me.
I was sent to a private religious elementary school until eighth grade. It was a horrible experience. The teachers – nuns, for the most part – ruled by fear with physical punishment for infractions and sarcasm. I remember that after witnessing this, the rest of the students were pretty afraid and compliant.
The parents supported the teachers and did not have our backs. Needless to say, this experience ruined my love of learning and made me feel helpless. I frequently thought about running away.
I finally stood up for myself and refused to continue the religious education and went to the public high school. This led to my leaving home after high school and getting married young. I struggled with feelings of low self-esteem and poor life choices until my late 20s, when I finally divorced my abusive husband and finished my education.
Although I am now happily married and have wonderful kids, my life would have been easier if I had had supportive parents and was not bullied as a child. I always resented my parents for allowing this, but they were bullies as well and believed in physical punishment.
Needless to say, my kids were not raised like I was. I would not allow any teacher to mistreat them, and I always had their backs. – Bullying Victim
Dear Bullying Victim: You obviously had terrible experiences, both at home and in school. Your children are lucky that you were so determined to look out for them. I have received thousands of letters over the years praising religious schools for a variety of reasons. But since you were victimized, it is good to shine a light on what we all should work to avoid. Thank you for writing, and I hope your story helps others know they are not alone.
Dear Annie: I am an identical twin, and the bond that I share with my sister is unlike any other relationship in the world. (Imagine having a literal clone of yourself and your DNA who has lived all of the same memories and childhood as you, who you have been connected to genetically since a few months after conception.)
My sister is my best and closest friend in the whole universe. That being said, my sister has some mental health issues that are taxing on me.
I love my sister more than anything in the world (including my spouse), but I have made it very clear to her that my life is my life and her life is her life and that I am NOT responsible for her.
The letter writer “Not Feeling Like His Wife” should suggest counseling to her husband, who prioritizes his twin over her, to figure out that he is not just his brother’s twin; he is, in fact, his own person.
Once he lets the “but we’re the same person” mentality go, he will be able to see his brother for the (less than stellar) individual that he is and not just see him as his “other half.” – Not the Other Half
Dear Not the Other Half: Thank you for sharing your experience. You have clearly given a lot of thought to the relationship you have with your twin and your spouse.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology – featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.