A Grip on Sports: After watching the U.S. gold medal hockey win again, I’m convinced (not really) it was all an elaborate AI hoax to sell razors and cereal and jerseys
A GRIP ON SPORTS • It blew me away this morning to realize the next Winter Olympics will be in 2030. That’s 30 as in the next decade. As in 30 years since Y2K was all the rage. As in closer to 2050 than to the Mariners’ 116-win season. Where the heck did the time go?
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• Think about it. Most of the athletes that will return to the Alps, the French part of them, in 2030, will have been born in the 21st Century. Just like Kenneth Walker III, Bad Bunny and AI. No, I don’t mean Allen Iverson. Artificial – as in fake – intelligence – also, as in fake.
Can’t wait until we see the real photos of Jack Hughes. You know, with his front teeth intact. And a silver medal around his neck.
After all, that one Connor Hellebuyck save, the one with the photo making the Interweb rounds showing the U.S. goalie’s stick at an impossible angle in front of a mostly open net? And the puck connected to said stick? Digitally produced, right?
Has to be AI. No way it’s real. Even a guy standing on his head – the definition of the term as Hellebuyck saved 41 shots Sunday – couldn’t make that play.
The Canadians must have won in reality. The whole outcome had to be some elaborate conspiracy to deceive us all. An intricate scheme to sell food, a la the NFL. Or razors, whether Occam’s or Gillette’s or Harry’s. That is the simplest explanation after all. A guy who has posted a series of disappointing NHL playoff results saving 41 shots by the best players in the world and the U.S., which hasn’t won Olympic gold since there was a U.S.S.R., winning 2-1 in overtime? No way.
Made up. Fake news. Produced on a soundstage in Florida or a server farm in Nevada.
I, for one, welcome the news. There is no chance another American men’s hockey team can equal what Mike Eruzione and Jim Craig and the guys did in Lake Placid. Even after 46 years. That miracle was just that, a miracle.
Wait …
Was the win over the Soviets in the semifinals back then a fraud too? No. Doesn’t fit. Not only was it long before computers could fool us, but the perfect narrative would have been for the U.S.S.R. to fall in the finals. Not the semis.
Like our neighbors to the north did Sunday.
The world experienced the perfect setup. Canada, the land of ice, snow and backyard rinks, vs. the U.S., the land of three-car garages, credit cards and Texas Toast. No way Canada loses the gold in Canada’s game.
Jonathan Toews’ third period shot, in reality, slipped over Hellebuyck’s stick and into the net. And a bunch of guys in an air-cooled bunker somewhere in the desert Southwest glitched the feed just enough to freeze the frame. And change the outcome.
It’s the only logical explanation that flies in 2026. Or 2030 – and beyond.
• Of course I don’t believe any of what I wrote above. It is satire. And unbelievable. Just like Hellebuyck’s performance was unbelievable – in the traditional sense. Just like Hughes’ goal was propellant for about a gazillion celebrations. Just like the U.S. team skating around with the Gaudreau jersey elicited another gazillion tears.
No, it wasn’t a miracle, not in the 1980 sense. A long time coming? Sure. A relief? Yes. An underdog story? Well, yes and no. The Canadian team was favored by the oddsmakers but, as the tournament wore on, it seemed a bit more of a nod to tradition than one anchored in reality.
The roster was old. Four players were more than 35, including one, Sidney Crosby who, at 38, was injured and couldn’t answer the call Sunday. That Crosby and 36-year-old Drew Doughty actually had Olympic experience seemed more a detriment than a positive, considering the NHL hadn’t allowed its players to compete in the Olympics since 2014.
When the puck dropped Sunday, the U.S. probably was the better team, as its been off and on since 1980. But disappointment had skated with the numerous groups each Olympics since. And the way Sunday’s final two regulation periods played out, it seemed poised to hand them silver medals once more.
Except Hellebuyck wouldn’t let it happen. And, when the game moved to the 3-on-3 Hoopfest-like overtime, nothing was impossible.
Not even Canadian stars trying too hard to be the hero. Trying to score that one masterful goal that would ensure never having to plop down a few loonies for a Kokanee again the rest of their lives.
Overreaching as it were. It only took one overreach to open the door for a U.S. rush that reached open space, of which there is plenty in overtime. And one shot to make a hero. His name just happened to be Hughes. And he wore the stars and stripes. For once.
Nothing fake about it.
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WSU: There may be snow on the ground in the Inland Northwest but that doesn’t stop the local college baseball teams from playing games. Though they head south to do it. Colton Clark has a roundup of how the Cougars, Gonzaga and Whitworth did over the weekend. … No matter how you might have felt when Tony Bennett left Pullman, watching the former WSU coach see his name go on the Virginia basketball court has to stir a little emotion. … Elsewhere in the (current, old and future) Pac-12 and the nation, John Canzano has a column on the too-short life of former Utah State star Wayne Estes. Such stories always remind me of the baseball player my dad enjoyed coaching more than any other, Bill Seinsoth. Like Estes, he died way too young. … Colorado has one player who seems intent on grabbing every rebound. … The McKale Center name change is another offshoot of college athletics’ constant search for money. … San Diego State’s latest loss, to host Colorado State, has some meaningful consequences. … The Washington women suffered a tough home loss to Nebraska. On Senior Day. … No. 2-ranked UCLA honored its seniors as well. Former Cougar Charlisse Leger-Walker was part of the group acknowledged before the Bruins’ win over Wisconsin. … Oregon lost to Indiana. … Stanford ended its skid with a win. … No. 10 Ohio State topped USC, ending the Trojans long winning streak. … Arizona State will play its final home game against BYU.
• In football news, it’s that time of year. Jon Wilner has a preview in the Mercury News of the Big 12 football race. He has BYU on top. … Recruiting never stops. Not at Colorado anyway. … USC has a few areas to shore up during spring practice. … Finally, what is Washington paying players? The school won’t tell.
Gonzaga: There was once two bigs dominating the GU skyline. There may be once again down the road in March. But for now there is one. Graham Ike. And his presence was a big reason why the Zags were able to top Pacific on Saturday. Theo Lawson has this look back at the win. … Where will the Zags be in the polls today? Could they rise into the top 10?
EWU and Idaho: Around the Big Sky and the FCS, we catch up with some Saturday games. For example, the Montana State men’s loss at Idaho State. And the Northern Arizona women seeing its three-game winning streak end.
Preps: It’s not often high school sports has a big presence on a Sunday. But that’s not true the Sunday before State basketball competition begins. The seeds and matchups at all levels were announced yesterday. Dave Nichols has all the local schools covered in this story. … Dave also made sure every local winner of a State wrestling medal is acknowledged here as well.
Sounders: Jordan Morris is no longer young. Nor is he healthy. Not at this moment. Just a few minutes into the season opener at Lumen Field with Colorado – Seattle won 2-0 – Morris went down, and out, with a thigh injury.
Mariners: Spring training is a time of hope. Of anticipation. Of prospects. One such for the M’s? Right-handed pitcher Ryan Sloan. … Game results? Not as important as they will be in a few weeks. But fun. When the home nine rallies to win.
Seahawks: There are quite a few Hawks on this Athletic list of top free agents at each position. … There is also a hot topic for each team at the combine. And what the Hawks need to do in the offseason if they want to repeat.
Olympics: The U.S. win reverberated among the hockey community, even in Spokane. Dave Nichols’ story delves into that aspect. … We linked the S-R story on the U.S. hockey win above. And do it again here. … There is also this story on the impact of the game. … And, yes, there are more links sprinkled about above. … The Winter Olympics 2026 are over for another four years. The games had their moments, didn’t they? And their stars. … All those moments were spread out over a large area. That seems to be the wave of the future.
Kraken: Every American-born hockey player in the NHL will get to gloat this week.
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• I was too tired last night to stay up and watch the final episode of “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms.” It’s on the schedule for tonight. Following a dinner of goose eggs and apples and the like. (No, not really. Probably cheap chicken from Safeway. Paying for HBO is more expensive than a suit of armor.) Anyhow, I liked this story about it. It’s fun. Just like the series. Until later …