When choosing a checkout aisle at a Spokane-area grocery store, what factors determine which lane you select?

(Please report your top five considerations.)

• Shortest line.

• Lowest estimated total of items in all the carts of those shoppers in line.

• You like the cashier.

• You find the cashier attractive.

• Avoidance of baggers known to be cans-on-top-of-the-bread/ bananas underachievers.

• Avoidance of a cashier who bugs you for one reason or another.

• Avoidance of shoppers who are coughing, sneezing, snorting, et cetera.

• Avoidance of lines populated by elderly shoppers.

• Avoidance of shoppers wearing pajamas.

• Avoidance of feral children.

• Avoidance of cellphone yakkers.

• Avoidance of unauthorized “service dogs.”

• Avoidance of lines featuring someone holding 61 coupons.

• You choose a line because you will be behind a Spokane celebrity and you always wondered what she smells like.

• Avoidance of lines populated by people you suspect will take forever to pay.

• Avoidance of that one cashier who always handles your newspaper as if she has never seen one before.

• Avoid getting behind those who might be zombies.

• You choose the lane that’s least like a certain scene in “Deliverance.”

• Avoidance of aisle with the bagger who looks like he has done time.

• Avoidance of shoppers wearing message T-shirts.

• You choose the checkout aisle giving off good vibrations.

• You go to the express lane, regardless of how many items you have in your basket.

Thanks. I will report the results of this survey next month.

Warm-up question: Ever climbed over a fence topped with barbed wire?

Today’s Slice question: What Spokane-area entertainment venue has the most comfortable or least comfortable seats?