Many religions tell of a hideous punishment befalling the wicked in the afterlife. But as I have discovered, a poor sinner need not always pass into the great beyond to get to that day of karmic payback.

Mark your calendars for Oct. 9 my friends.

I hereby invite everyone with a sense of humor to “Filet of Clark” – a comedy roast in the Dean Martin tradition. The mirth and misery begins at 3 p.m. that Sunday in the Grand Pennington Ballroom at Spokane’s luxurious Davenport Hotel.

Sponsored by The Davenport and Uncle D’s Comedy Underground, the roast is aimed at two extremely beneficial causes:

1. Raising money for the national and Spokane chapters of the American Red Cross, and …

2. Skewering yours truly like a giant hairless pig.

The roast, for those unfamiliar with life on our planet, is a venerable comedic institution. It involves a panel of select “roasters” who – one by one – chow down on a victim of honor like starving cannibals at a tribal feast.

The Friars Club put Donald Trump on the roaster spit last year. Cable TV’s Comedy Central carved up Pamela Anderson like fine prime rib earlier this month.

And now I have been targeted for comeuppance by a 10-member panel of comedians and celebrities.

I’m talking about former Spokane Mayor Sheri Barnard as well as broadcast luminaries like KXLY’s Debra Wilde and KREM-2 Television anchor Randy Shaw.

“I look at it as probably one of the easiest assignments I’ve ever had,” Shaw told me between chuckles of sinister glee.

“Just to see you as a sacrificial lamb – I’m chomping at the bit.”

Such a kidder, that Randy.

Gulp.

Where does a guy go in this town to purchase flame-proof underwear? Even normally sweet ex-Mayor Barnard sounded like she was itching to saw off a slice of Doug.

“As I started thinking about you I got a lot of ideas about some of the things I might say,” she warned. “I think it’s going to be great.”

This unique event is open to one and all at no charge although a $5 minimum donation to the Red Cross is suggested. The seating will be festival style. The doors will open at 2 p.m.

In addition to providing the ballroom and staff, The Davenport will furnish a no-host bar with every drop of proceeds going to the Red Cross. There will also be live music and a live auction for a variety of special items.

The Davenport’s generosity at putting this thing together has been unbelievable. In fact, the hotel brass practically jumped at the opportunity to get involved.

Gosh. Whatever could their motivation be?

“You’ve been putting a bull’s-eye on your back for years,” said Tom McArthur, the hotel’s communications director and inventor of the Filet of Clark title. “It’s time people found the center of it.”

OK, I’ll admit it. I’ve taken a cheap potshot or two during my 21-year reign of writing 3,000-plus columns. It’s only fair that I offer myself up for a worthy cause and let the jackals have their way.

The idea for my roast reckoning came from Don Parkins, a professional comedian and stage hypnotist who runs Uncle D’s Comedy Underground.

Earlier this summer the Spokane native organized a roast for a fellow local comedian. The event went so well that he decided to plan another one.

Looking for a target outside the comedy ranks, Parkins settled his crosshairs on me.

A charity was selected and I said sure.

Parkins is a road warrior when it comes to stand-up comedy. The man has cracked jokes from here to Cleveland. Seeking out his wisdom, I asked the master if he had any roastee survival tips.

“Thick skin is required,” he said. “Alligator type skin would be the best – with a bullet-proof vest.”

Randy Shaw offered his own advice:

“Take some pain pills and I’ll see you at The Davenport.”