I don’t know why the 24th of December so fills me with rhyme.

If doggerel were criminal, I know I’d be doing time.

Maybe it’s all the shows about family, hearth and home

That compel me to put TV listings in the form of a poem.

- Yes, Christmas is nigh, it’s the night right before it.

Some networks embrace it, while others ignore it.

Don’t go looking on Fox for Santa and his twinkle. They’ve made an odd choice to broadcast “The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle” (8 p.m., Fox).

As Fearless Leader they’ve cast that old antihero, an actor no other than Robert De Niro. (You can call me old fashioned, old school or just crazy, but I think Bobby D. should stick to films by Scorsese.)

The musical “A Christmas Carol” (8 p.m., NBC) clearly had a budget quite huge, and it stars Kelsey Grammer as Ebenezer Scrooge.

But its songs are so-so and the production belabored. I’d rather watch Grammer on reruns of “Frasier.”

If religious programming is the tonic you seek, tune in to “Joan of Arcadia” (8 p.m., CBS) – she talks to God every week!

If redneck humor is your approach to the Nativity, I guess you could do worse than “Blue Collar TV” (9:30 p.m., WB).

For those who seek out Christmas carols as their holiday tradition, there’s “Carols from Kings 2004” (8 p.m., Discovery HD) broadcast in high definition.

If a foul-mouthed, drunken Kris Kringle is your idea of groovy, “Bad Santa” (11 p.m., Starz) is for you. And it’s John Ritter’s last movie!

Between defrosting the turkey and leaving the pies out, there’s “A Christmas Story” (24 consecutive hours, beginning 8 p.m., TBS) marathon. “Hey, kid, you’ll shoot your eye out!”

But maybe, just maybe, and I don’t mean to be snide, Christmas is not something you find in TV Guide.

Put down that remote (yes, I know this is shocking) and take the time to hang up your stocking.

Take that second helping of eggnog, embrace your husband or wife. That’s got to be better than a repeat “Grounded for Life” (8:30 p.m., WB)!

So before I get misty, let me offer my greetings and vision:

Merry Christmas to all!

And turn off your darn television!

Other highlights

Turner faces bias charges on “JAG” (9 p.m., CBS).

Jonathan Taylor Thomas stars in the 1998 comedy “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” (9 p.m., ABC).

A poisonous black widow may strike again on “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” (10 p.m., NBC).

Bing Crosby warbles “White Christmas” in the 1942 musical “Holiday Inn” (9 p.m., Turner Classic Movies).

Cult choice

Judy Garland immortalized the sad holiday tune “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” in the 1944 musical “Meet Me in St. Louis” (7 p.m., Turner Classic Movies).

Series notes

Yuletide bloopers on “America’s Funniest Home Videos” (8 p.m., ABC) … Holly’s shampoo adventure on “What I Like About You” (8 p.m., WB).

Reba consults Brock’s marriage counselor (Patrick Duffy) on “Reba” (9 p.m., WB).

Late night

David Cross, Eva Longoria and Michael Tolcher appear on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (12:05 a.m.).

If you’re looking for Dave, Jay, Conan or “Late, Late,” don’t even be tempted. With the exception of “Kimmel,” they’ve all been pre-empted.