Here are a dozen rules of conduct for family reunions.

1. Don’t punch anyone.

2. Eat a little of everything and do not make that face you make.

3. Don’t be the one to point out that Uncle Myron embarrasses the whole gene pool.

4. Don’t note a pregnancy until you are sure it isn’t just a weight gain.

5. Ask questions.

6. No more than seven beers.

7. Smile when addressed by your childhood nickname.

8. Try to be modest about your children’s accomplishments.

9. Remember that relatives who have lost their jobs are not dead.

10. Occasionally talk about something besides your divorce.

11. Don’t confuse Meemaw with Big Momma.

12. Help with the clean-up, regardless of your gender.