Dear Miss Manners: Do you think it is rude and disrespectful to start a response with “I don’t mean any disrespect …”?

My friend wrote that to me before she wrote about how her husband being on deployment was not comparable to my husband being away for business. I was offended just because she wrote that. Am I wrong to feel she intended to put me down?

Gentle Reader: Ordinarily, Miss Manners would agree that “I don’t mean any disrespect” – like “Let me be honest with you” and “I have to say how I feel” – heralds an insult. But there does have to be a way that friends can call attention to an unintentional hurt.

This seems to be such a case. When you compared the absences of your respective husbands, you were presumably referring to the loneliness and inconvenience that you and your friend are both likely to feel. What you overlooked is the difference that is bound to be uppermost in her mind – that her husband is in danger and might not return. You do owe her an apology for that omission.