In the end, everybody’s a movie critic

Back at work today following my weeklong stay in Costa Rica, I spent a couple of hours doing the obligatory task of answering my phone-mail and e-mail messages. In the process, I found myself being graded down for my review of the latest Tom Cruise film .

“Uh, Mr. Webster,” the caller said, “in the Dec. 5 edition of the Weekend (section), you gave a review of the movie ‘The Last Samurai.’ You gave it two stars. Well, I saw that movie. And ‘The Last Samurai’ is a good movie. You’re a critic, and I’m a moviegoer. And you gave it two stars. I’m giving you one star. That was a good movie, and that’s all I have to say about that.”

Thanks for the feedback. It’s always gratifying to see 20 inches of carefully worded analysis rebutted by such determinedly straightforward thumbs-up/thumbs-down declarations — especially when those declarations are delivered anonymously. After listening, I typically find myself returning, in my mind, to distant lands of sand-swept beaches and gentle sea breezes.

Which reminds me. I think I’ll check to see how my 401K is doing.