The Slice: How did Lewis, Clark pay for trip?

Here are a few questions Lewis and Clark never had to face.

1. “Capt. Lewis, do you stand by your assertion that you did not have relations with that woman, Ms. Sacajawea?”

2. “There’s a rumor on the Internet suggesting that your trip was secretly subsidized by a slush fund linked to real estate developers and car dealers. Care to comment?”

3. “What did you wear to bed?”

4. “How do you respond to reports of a Fort Mandan love nest?”

5. “Is it true that you stand to profit from the T-shirt sales?”

6. “Gentlemen, what should the American people infer from your puzzling refusal to comment on the whole gay marriage issue?”

7. “Is there a diet book in the offing?”

8. “Was it a failure of leadership to not insist on mandatory drug tests to determine if any member of the Corps of Discovery used performance-enhancing substances?”

“Lifestyle advice from Spokane newlywed Brad Stark: When you run out of shaving cream, don’t use your wife’s melonberry leg-shaving gel. “No matter how good the smell, the taste is horrific,” he warned.

“Slice answers: One reason 14-year-old Emily Stratton of Colville watches “JAG” is that she finds an uplifting example in that TV show. “I would love to be more like the confident Lt. Colonel Sarah MacKenzie,” she wrote. “She is a great role model for teens who have dreams of being strong, independent, and smart, so unlike the trash models that fill our society today.”

Others praised the storylines and the fact that the lead actors are hot.

In the matter of intentionally distracting oneself to reduce the chance of gagging when tossing back a handful of pills, Janet Ellquist said she visualizes a certain scene in “Lawrence of Arabia.” It features a portrayal of mind-blowing thirst.

Another reader, perhaps pulling my leg, said he thinks about actress Catherine Bell – see “JAG” answers above.

“Just wondering: Do you know someone who is almost comical in his insistence on going online to find information that’s available in about two seconds from the phone book, a dictionary, the newspaper, et cetera?

“Six telltale signs that your stuffed bear is a grizzly:

1. It seems to have an insatiable desire to maul your sister.

2. Jelly-stained muzzle.

3. Stuffed-bunny breath.

4. Growls at everyone but you.

5. Always wakes up at the exact same time you do.

6. It’s fearless.

“Thanks to Slice readers who sent postcards from their summer vacations: My favorite might have been one Carlos Alden mailed from New York’s Fort Ticonderoga. My family went there when I was about 10, and I still remember the cannons.

“Today’s Slice question: What percentage of twentysomethings currently living with their parents routinely lie about that?