The Slice: Survey says

IN A SURVEY OF 101 American cities’ problems with alcohol abuse, Spokane scored an F and tied for 95th with New Orleans. That’s bad.

The unscientific study, conducted by list-loving Men’s Health magazine, supposedly looked at factors such as drunken driving and rates of alcohol-related liver disease.

Of course, Forbes magazine just designated Spokane a Norman Rockwell “porch-swing” community.

So take your pick.

Just don’t get drunk and fall off your swing.

•Overheard by Kathryn Kafentzis in a Spokane convenience store:

First guy: “I was from Walla Walla for about 10 years.”

Second guy: “What were you in for?”

First guy: “No, no, I was born there. I did my prison time at Airway Heights.”

•Slice answer: Laura Biviano saw the question about different family members preferring different brands of the same kind of cereal.

“I can’t answer the raisin bran question, but I did recently find out that when I was growing up, my mom used the same Cheerios box for years,” wrote Biviano, who is 25. “She would just refill the box with the generic brand.”

With six kids in the house, no one ever questioned the fact that there was never a time when the box was in an unopened state.

•Finish this sentence: “I realized I wasn’t meant to have an aquarium when …”

•Contest winner: Pullman’s Sue Swanson edged out 27 other readers and has won the right to have me be her personal spokesman for the day.

As such, I would like to address the following remarks to Sue’s friend, Jeanne.

Ahem. Jeanne, when Sue pushed you out of the boat the other day she in no way meant that as a gesture of disrespect, nor did she intend to hurt your feelings.

Sue knows that you enjoy her irreverent sense of humor. And it is her fervent hope that you will come to view the Snake River Incident in that light.

Jeanne, mistakes were made. No question. But Sue hopes you will forgive her and move forward together toward a bright future that’s certain to see your friendship flourish.

•Know your rock-history nomenclature: 1. The Ramones weren’t really brothers, and none of them was actually named Ramone.

2. The real Jethro Tull was a 17th-century pioneer in agriculture.

•Warm-up questions: What celebrity do people say you resemble? What dead canary is your industry ignoring? Ever drop something valuable and have it fall through a crack?

•Today’s Slice question: Houston has launched an intriguing promotional campaign that admits to drawbacks such as hulking cockroaches, congested traffic and stifling humidity. The punch line is “It’s worth it.”

If Spokane had an “It’s worth it” campaign, what warts would we admit to?