The Slice: She’s got friends in slow paces

Here’s a story of cause and effect. “My mother and I went to a painting workshop at Spirit Lake with a friend of hers,” wrote Judy McKeehan of Cheney. “We followed her friend, who knew the way.”

Though they were running late, the woman leading the way insisted on doing 40 in a 55 mph zone. So when they arrived late for the workshop, McKeehan’s mom asked her friend why she had driven so slowly.

The woman replied, “Because you were going so slowly behind me.”

• Something to debate in North Side bars: It has been ages since Gonzaga University played football on a varsity level. But here’s a theoretical question.

Relying on the current GU student body (including athletes in other sports) and assuming a reasonable period for training and practice, could the Zags assemble a football team that could beat Whitworth’s varsity squad?

• Just wondering: How did teachers react when they realized you were the younger sibling of a student they had gotten to know quite well?

• Trendsetter: Brenda Thosath’s 3-year-old daughter referred to her new two-piece swimsuit as a “zucchini.”

• Celebrity look-alike: “I once had a full beard, and one Christmas week in a lovely mountain village in Puerto Rico, a bunch of kids had a good time shouting ‘Santa Claus!’ as I went by,” wrote white-haired Bob Glatzer. “I was flattered.”

• Readers’ freeze forecasts: Sept. 15, Sept. 17 and Oct 15 were the most popular predictions for Spokane’s next encounter with 32 degrees.

• Warm-up question: Which is funkier, Pullman or Moscow?

• Today’s Slice question: What does it say about you if you refer to Spokane as a cultural backwater?

A) You don’t get it. B) You are an elitist snob. C) You know a cultural backwater when you see one. D) You think other people are to blame for that. E) You believe that 97 percent of America qualifies for that designation. F) You haven’t heard that we get cable and the Internet. G) You crave an Afghan restaurant. H) You always meant to go to a movie at the Magic Lantern.

I) Angry men with bayonets force you to live here. J) You realize there’s something to be said for the pace of life in backwaters. K) Self-loathing and insecurity are a couple of your issues. L) You don’t know what you’re talking about. M) You’ve never had an original opinion, so you parrot the conventional wisdom. N) Your life is boring so you assume everyone’s is. O) You are going to start talking about your vacation again. P) You like complaining.

Q) You think it’s uncool to be impressed by anything. R) You are closeted hick. S) You call ‘em as you see ‘em. T) You’re waiting to be asked, “What are you rebelling against?” U) You’ve been reading the letters to the editor. V) You believe that, in a Darwinian sense, all life springs from backwaters. W) You don’t get out much. X) You’ve met everyone in Spokane. Y) You keep developing crushes on TV news anchors who then move to larger markets. Z) Other.