To those who fail, we — uh — salute thee

Most of us spend our lives not reaching for greatness so much as working hard to avoid failure. With examples of public humiliation all around us — from Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky to Rush Limbaugh and OxyContin (not to mention Lorcet and hydrocodone — living and working within our limits seems the safest way of being.

Yet… how boring is that? Haven’t you ever taken a curve a bit too fast or walked down a dark city street a little too carelessly, body-surfed in a no-swimming zone or flirted a bit with the wife of that big guy standing in the corner (or, for women, the husband of that woman who carried a beer keg into the party — by herself)? Who hasn’t at one time or another done something stupid, daring, out of character and potentially ruinous?

Here, though, is the difference between the vast majority of us and movie stars: We tend to take small risks only on occasion, whereas they risk their reputations every time they step on to a movie set. And when they fail, often they fail humongeously. And, oh, do we notice.

All of which is a way of introducing The Stinkers , a Web site whose claim is that it, and not The Razzies , is where you can find “The Ultimate Bad Movie Awards.” I’ll avoid the infighting and just point out that The Stinkers nominations this year are a celebration of celluloid waste. It should come as no surprise that the movie “Gigli” received 11 nominations, including worst film, worst director (Martin Brest), worst actor (Ben Affleck), worst actress (Jennifer Lopez), worst supporting actor (Justin Bartha), worst supporting actress (Lainie Kazan), worst fake accent (Affleck and Lopez), and worst on-screen couple (Ben-Lo).

If you want to get in on the voting for the overall “winners,” just go to the Web site, join up and cast your ballot before Feb. 16. And then, if you feel up to it, go out and swim with sharks. As for me, I prefer to go grenade fishing FOR sharks and then take something for the noise-enduced headache. Anybody got any hydrocodone?