The Slice: Washington is a winner, by George

Monday is Flag Day. Now Old Glory is usually the flag in question. But since this is only Flag Day Eve, I thought this column might weigh in on some other banners.

Here then are The Slice’s rankings of the state flags in our area.

1. Washington. (George looks good in green.)

2. Oregon. (At least the “State of Oregon” is large enough to read. And the beaver on the reverse is sort of neat.)

3. Montana. (Nothing to write home about.)

4. Idaho. (A meek, boring flag for a bold, beautiful state.)

Yes, I rigged this so Washington could win. If Alaska, California and Wyoming had been allowed to compete, the Northwest’s flags would have finished out of the money.

“Agree or disagree: Modern music should not be played at the Riverfront Park Carrousel.

“Just wondering: Which of your co-workers holds the record for going the longest time without ever being able to remember anyone’s phone extension?

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that: Regular readers of this column will recall that KXLY weather czarina Kris Crocker and her husband recently adopted a beautiful baby girl from China.

This has given Crocker’s 8-year-old niece the opportunity to use the word “Asian.” The kid’s pronunciation still needs work, though.

“She’s been telling everyone about her new ‘lesbian’ cousin,” said Crocker.

“Shades of a new policy: The Slice officially rescinds its long-standing skepticism about the motivations of those wearing sunglasses. It helps protect your vision. So whatever your reasons, keep doing it.

“Warm-up questions: Are there any situations in which being good-looking is not an advantage? Who has been a best man/maid of honor the most times? Can it be considered effective flirting if the object of your attention is unaware that flirting is taking place?

“Today’s Slice question: What do your T-shirts and ballcaps say about you?

A) “I’m right and anyone who disagrees with me is a fathead.” B) “I’m into NASCAR and animal rights.” C) “I’ve been to resorts that I regard as cool.” D) “I’m not embarrassed about my hobbies.” E) “I’m easily amused by belligerent slogans.” F) “I regard fielding football and basketball teams as the principal function of institutions of higher education.” G) “I’m angry and bald.” H) “My personality doesn’t usually make much of an impression, but you should know that I identify with these products.” I) “It has never dawned on me that preachy social-consciousness admonitions might have limited appeal.” J) “I like bears and tigers.” K) “I do a lot of catalog shopping.” L) “I’m comfortable with my cultural affectations.” M) “I want people to see me and think, ‘Uh oh, this guy’s one zany dude.’ ” N) “I’m a proud resident of the Inland Northwest.” O) “I feel like letting my freak flag fly.” P) “I need therapy.” Q) Other.