The Slice: Warming warning a hoax

SUNDAY’S CONCURRENCE of Father’s Day and the summer solstice reminds me of something that happened when I was 8 or 9.

This was way back in the Dark Ages, when adults didn’t always feel the need to be relentlessly earnest about protecting the fragile psyches of children. The attitude of at least some grown-ups was “Hey, if a kid is dumb enough to believe a load of malarkey, that’s his problem.”

It was about this time of year. Several boys from my neighborhood lounged on the backyard patio behind the house next door.

The man who lived there, the father of a couple of my friends, approached and delivered a solemn news flash. It seemed the Earth had tumbled out of its orbit and was careening toward the sun.

We all were doomed, Mr. Kirsch reported.

Doomed.

It was being kept a secret, he explained. That was to keep people from panicking.

But the cover-up wouldn’t last long, he said. Already certain alert observers were noticing that the days kept getting longer.

Just watch, he warned. Sunrise is going to keep coming earlier and sunset later and later.

Now some of us had our suspicions about Mr. Kirsch. How seriously can you take a guy who threatens to call the highway patrol and have kids arrested for making too much noise?

And a few of us had probably learned about the tilt of the Earth’s axis and about how seasons change. But if you are 8 or 9 and an adult tells you the end is near, it’s something you have to consider.

I wish I could remember if any of us were truly alarmed. But I can’t.

What I do recall is coming to the realization some time later that Mr. Kirsch had likely lifted his tall tale from “The Twilight Zone.”

Oh, well. Here’s to dads who have a sense of humor.

Public Slumbers Department: Back in 1997, at Christmas, Danielle Simmons feel asleep during midnight Mass at the Vatican. A nun next to her kept poking Simmons, but she couldn’t stay awake.

This date at Expo ‘74: Patrice Munsel.

Come again: “The most foreign languages I have heard in one place is at the Grand Coulee Dam laser show,” wrote Bret Whipple. “Apparently this is a must-see for any foreign tourists visiting the Pacific Northwest.”

Localizing the classics: The children’s rhyme is supposed to go, “Oh, do you know the Muffin Man, that lives on Drury Lane?”

But North Sider Tracy Adams’ daughter, Maria, is yet another Inland Northwest child who subbed in “that lives in Coeur d’Alene” when reciting that line.

Warm-up question: What did scooping up toddlers countless times do to your back?

Today’s Slice question: What should be the first question on a compatibility quiz for prospective dating couples?