New allegations against Bolton (spoof)

NEWSFLASH: (AP) TODAY, DEMOCRATIC MEMBERS OF THE SENATE FOREIGN RELATIONS COMMITTEE ANNOUNCED NEW ALLEGATIONS AGAINST JOHN BOLTON, THE PRESUMPTIVE NOMINEE AS U.N. AMBASSADOR.

RANKING DEMOCRAT JOE BIDEN (D - DEL) ANNOUNCED THAT A FORMER CLASSMATE OF BOLTON’S HAD STEPPED FORWARD WITH ALLEGATIONS THAT, 52 YEARS AGO, JOHN BOLTON, AS AN 8 YEAR OLD, CUT IN FRONT OF SEVERAL OTHER PEOPLE IN THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL LUNCH LINE. MR. BOLTON WAS ALSO REPORTEDLY SENT TO TIMEOUT ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS AS WELL.

Report from — The Toxic Avenger