The Slice: She wants to know everything from A to czar

SPOKANE’S KATHERINE FLORES, who turns 88 next week, decided she wanted to learn to speak Russian. So she told the woman who comes to her home to help her that she was going to sign up for a class. The caretaker seemed to think that was a fine idea. But she had one request: “When you learn Russian, you’ll have to speak it to me in English.”

“When signs fail to be objective: From where she was in traffic, Kim Middleton could not see the last letter of a repaving-project sign that says “BUMP.”

But she could see someone standing nearby, asking motorists for handouts.

“Just wondering: When one of your co-workers sighs in a way obviously intended to invite inquiries, what happens if no one takes the bait?

“More misspeaking: In Greg Lassiter’s family, it’s not unusual to hear coleslaw referred to as “cold slaw.”

John May’s late mother-in-law used to describe messy yards and such as “a sore eye.”

Mark Darnell’s ex used to say “genetic” when she meant “generic.”

And a Slice reader who lives out in farm country told about a family gathering where a woman choked a bit during dinner. An older man, who apparently was not trying to be a wiseguy, said they might have to perform the hymen maneuver on her.

“Seven things that will not cure hiccups: 1. Calling someone who almost always drops the phone when answering. 2. Watching one of those overproduced, sports-worshipping Nike commercials. 3. Checking your e-mail for the hundredth time since you woke up. 4. Thinking about penguins. 5. Wondering if the Carol Ferris who was Green Lantern’s girlfriend might have been related to Spokane’s Ferris family. 6. Wondering if the Iris West who married The Flash is any relation to Jim West. 7. Trying to identify everyday expressions in your life that could be used as code for something R-rated.

“And yet another one of these: When Larry Krueger was substitute teaching he got so used to kids asking if he was related to Freddy Krueger (of slasher-movie fame) that he started saying “Yes.”

And in truth, he did have a relative named Fred.

“Private conversation: Danielle Thueringer was minding her own business when she heard her father talking to himself.

“Where are we going?” he was saying. “Where are we going?”

Danielle broke in. “I don’t know, Dad,” she said. “Where ARE we going?”

Her father looked at her and laughed. Then he said, “Sometimes I just need someone intelligent to talk to.”

“Warm-up question: What’s the most unexpected place your dog has buried or otherwise hidden something?

“Today’s Slice question: If you’re not helping with the harvest, what good are you?