The Slice: She’ll just go by ‘Com’

Here’s what it has come to. A friend who used to work at this newspaper was reading the “Idaho Calendar” inside the IN Life section. But she thought she was scanning the birth announcements. And it wasn’t until she got to the third boldfaced entry — “Communitywide Blood Drive” — that she realized her mistake. She had just assumed “Bayview Daze” and “Free Bead Stampede” were the names of newborns.

“Slice answers: Spokane’s Jodi Dineen would love to see the police write a zillion speeding tickets on her street. “We live on 14th between Bernard and Monroe, and although not a main arterial, many drivers use it as a shortcut,” she wrote. “I wish that they would remember that those houses along the side of the road really do have people living in them. If they’re not speeding (which most of them do), they’re throwing their trash out the window.”

Debra Morgan lives on the main drag in Chewelah. “We get people flying past my house…I would LOVE for the police to nail all these dangerous drivers.”

“Assumptions people in other parts of the country make about those who live in the Northwest: Readers said at least some take for granted that a lot of us are whacked-out back-to-nature survivalists.

“Overheard beneath Interstate 90 near Lewis and Clark High School (gray haired guy in a hardhat to a couple of boys doing skateboard tricks): “Like to see you do that with metal wheels.”

“Looking ahead: The American Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons recommends that school kids’ backpacks weigh no more than 15 percent of the student’s body weight.

So when thinking about back-to-class supplies next month, make sure you have a scale and a calculator.

Also, it wouldn’t hurt for families to watch “Platoon,” focusing on the scene where experienced sergeant Willem Dafoe sorts through new grunt Charlie Sheen’s backpack and lightens his load. (He yanks stuff out, saying “You won’t need this … you won’t need that …”)

On second thought, that movie is a bit intense for young people. Besides, a parent actually touching a kid’s pack is apt to prompt one of the following responses:

“Look, Mom. No offense, but it has been a long time since you were up at the front. You don’t know what it’s like out there.”

“You’re going through my pack? Why don’t you just go ahead and publish my diary. I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!”

“Earth to Dad. I’ve been humping heavier loads than this since second grade.”

“I guess the only way I’ll be able to make this work is to become obese. Is that what you want?”

“How do you know I won’t need a back-up socket wrench?”

“When great films infect real life: Paul Mackey wonders if people named Shane repeatedly hear, “Come back!”

“Today’s Slice question: What local church gets hottest in summer?