The Slice: Not quite ‘Bosom Buddies’

Sometimes real life seems exactly like a sitcom. At other times, it just comes close.

The other afternoon, I stood in my front yard watching a woman ring a neighbor’s doorbell. I was pretty sure this neighbor was not home. So I wanted to be ready to catch the bell-ringer’s eye and volunteer to accept a package or whatever.

But the woman, who held a clipboard, made it easy. She walked right over to me.

“Do you have any pets?” she asked.

I told her I didn’t.

Once upon a time, I would have gone into details about my allergies and asthma. But I’ve learned a thing or two over the years. So now I just say “No.”

It seems this woman was going door-to-door on behalf of SpokAnimal. She was trying to get people to sign up any unlicensed animal companions.

Anyway, while I stood there talking to her, I saw our neighbor’s sweet-faced gray cat emerge from some bushes. I don’t know if that feline is licensed or not. But that wasn’t my concern.

You see, just the day before, I had finally made friends with this cat. She had let me pet her for the first time. (Her name is Chloe, but her Jekyll/Hyde personality has suggested a nickname or two.)

The SpokAnimal woman had her back to the cat. But I could see clearly what was about to happen.

Seconds after I denied that I owned any pets, Chloe was going to saunter over and give me a shin rub.

And the thing is, I already suspected that the canvasser didn’t believe me. (Hey, I don’t really blame her. I’m sure a lot of people lie.)

The conversation didn’t last long. Still, I had time enough to visualize how credible I would seem protesting “I’ve never seen this animal before in my life!”

Visions of Jackie Gleason, Bob Newhart and others flashed through my mind.

I know. I could have just said, “This cat belongs to the neighbor.” Case closed.

But in sitcomy situations, how often do people do the logical thing?

In the end, Chloe stayed over by the bushes and the SpokAnimal woman left without noticing her. The laugh-track moment never materialized.

Oh, well. Perhaps there will be other days.

Maybe Chloe is just biding her time. Maybe she has plans to sneak in and triple the amount of yeast in a homemade bread recipe or put some super-sudsing laundry soap in the dishwasher.

“”Jaws” memory: Jodee Christner remembers seeing the movie at the Fox Theater in 1975. “I bought a big Dr. Pepper and a popcorn,” she wrote.

In response to one startling scene, the arm holding her drink shot into the air. When she looked at her cup, it was empty. “I have always wondered who and how many I doused.”

“Today’s Slice question: On what area golf course are players most apt to be drunk?