The Slice: Time to scare up that Halloween to-do list

Now that it’s October, the day-by-day countdown to Halloween can legitimately commence. Here’s one possible schedule.

31. Line up baby sitter so you can go to Halloween parties on the 29th.

30. Buy candy. Get the good stuff.

29. Argue with daughter about costume ideas. Tell her she’s not going as a roboslut. Suggest clown witch or space grizzly.

28. Look for Halloween decorations made in the U.S.A.

27. Get real and buy Halloween decorations made in Malaysia and China.

26. Replace the candy you ate.

25. Rehearse your argument for the inevitable encounter with the sister-in-law who objects to Halloween on the grounds it constitutes gourd worship.

24. Tell everyone for the zillionth time how scary the movie “Halloween” seemed when you first saw it back in 1978.

23. Fondle pumpkins at the store — but don’t buy any yet.

22. Argue with son about costume ideas. Tell him he’s not going as Jim West’s hard drive. Suggest he go as a “Lost” cast member, a flu shot or a zombie blogger.

21. Tell your neighbor that if he doesn’t start keeping his black cat inside, you are going to board it in your home until Halloween is over (for its own protection).

20. Declare that caramel apples were better back before the annual conversations about razor blades.

19. Call Dean and Nyla at Oldies 101, ask them to put “Monster Mash” in heavy rotation. Sing along.

18. Replace the candy you ate.

17. Explain to co-workers why “Clark Kent” is an inspired costume theme.

16. Buy pumpkins.

15. Gut pumpkins, carve jack-o’-lantern faces.

14. Replace bulb in front-porch light.

13. Teach a child to say “It’s aliiiiiive!”

12. Discuss at dinner: Could Frankenstein have taken the Werewolf? How about the Mummy vs. Steve Eugster?

11. Discuss at breakfast: What was the best Halloween episode of “The Simpsons”?

10. Replace the candy you ate.

9. Annoy co-workers by randomly reciting lines from Poe’s “The Raven.”

8. Think about what you will say to teenage trick-or-treaters who show up without costumes.

7. Reject suggestions to offer nutritious snacks.

6. Replace the jack-o’-lanterns starting to look like Salvador Dali’s melting clocks.

5. Guess which co-worker will show up Monday wearing a form-fitting costume.

4. Wait until you are alone, then have a pie-eating contest. Declare yourself the winner.

3. Work on your maniacal cackle.

2. Replace the candy you ate.

1. Hope for good weather and a decent turnout. Report your trick-or-treat headcount to The Slice.

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