The Slice: Nightmarish return of ‘Spo-cane’

About 12 years ago, I went to the public library and hauled out a bunch of phone directories from large cities all over the country.

I looked up people with the last name “Spokane.” Then I phoned them and asked how they pronounced it. (The results were mixed.)

Well, the other night I dreamed that one of those folks called me back. “I’ve changed my mind,” he said.

That doesn’t make much sense. But it suggests to me that one of two things must be true.

1) That was a sign, telling me I should launch a campaign to change our city’s desired pronunciation to “Spo-cane.”

2) My recent vacation wasn’t long enough.

OK, let’s move on.

“A letter from a friend: “You know how kids sometimes are forced to bunk with strangers at camp, and the roommates end up being lifelong friends? It doesn’t always work that way with adults.

“My brother came to Spokane last week for a Justice Department seminar. It was at the Davenport, which was cool, except that everybody had to have a roommate — a stranger, apparently selected at random. They all work in law enforcement, mostly in the Northwest.

“Keith is a teetotaler. His roommate was a partier.

“One night while Keith was fishing the river with me (his idea of excitement), his roommate stayed in the room and drank two cartons of wine. When Keith got back, they headed for their separate beds. Keith tried to ignore the fact that his roommate was completely naked, lying spread-eagled on his back, atop the bed coverings. Then he tried to ignore his roommate’s loud snoring and muttering.

“Sometime during the night, the roommate rolled off his bed. He cursed loudly and stumbled around, then sat on the edge of his bed.

“All of this, Keith ignored…Until the roommate intentionally urinated on the carpeted floor between the beds.

” ‘You’re peeing on the floor!’ Keith yelled, using the powers of observation that make him a great detective.

” ‘You’re boring!’ the roommate yelled back.

“Keith spent the next night at my house.”

“I don’t mean this to sound ageist or patronizing: And I certainly don’t intend to imply that they are no longer fully capable of getting in hot water.

But I love it when one elderly man asks another, “Stayin’ out of trouble?”

“Warm-up question: What was your family’s most memorable car during your childhood?

“Today’s Slice question: What percentage of Inland Northwest women carry fully loaded purses that are heavy enough to pose the potential for back spasms or shoulder strain?