The Slice: You might be shocked by these names

Reasonable people can disagree about how many of us actually care about the Spokane Shock.

But surely there is a consensus about one thing: The arena football team needs a better nickname. Because unless “Shock” is an allusion to Avista bills or grain sheaves, it simply lacks local flavor.

And shouldn’t a sports team’s name reflect its hometown or region?

For inspiration, let’s look at a few other pro sports nicknames and see what we can come up with.

Lakers: If the NBA team were still in Minneapolis, it probably wouldn’t be kosher to consider stealing this. But as it is a ridiculous name for a team in Los Angeles, I say it’s fair game.

‘76ers, ‘49ers: OK, we could salute Expo with ‘74ers. Or not.

Steelers, Brewers, Pistons: How about a nod to aluminum? “Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your Spokane Cans.”

Vikings, Canucks, Celtics: The whole ethnic heritage thing can be tricky. I mean, you’re bound to exclude a lot of people. But how about the Fightin’ Russian-Germans?

Twins, Rockies, Capitals: Scablanders or Basalters.

Dolphins, Marlins: Steelheads? Troutfitters?

Kings, Royals: Fightin’ Commoners? Serfs? Peasants?

Patriots, Senators, Rangers (Texas, not New York): Bargain Hunters, Minimum Wagers, Service Workers, Off-The-Gridders, Slackers, Dropouts, Campers, Hikers, Naysayers, Car Buffs, Low-Income Conservatives, TV Watchers.

Orioles, Blue Jays, Ravens: Crows or Garbage Gulls.

Padres: Defendants or Northwest Nonbelievers.

Phillies: Spokies.

Texans: How about Inlanders? No, on second thought, perhaps not.

Spurs: Plows, Combines or Fertilizers.

Heat: How about the Spokane Relatively Low Humidities? Sinus Snorters?

Hmmm. Some of those might be OK. But I think I’ve got a name that speaks to what truly sets hearts ablaze around here. I know it sounds a bit like a defunct soccer franchise or ‘70s team tennis nickname. But I think the Shock should be renamed the Spokane Free.

“ Turnabout’s fair play: “I’m writing in regard to your recent Slice entries about people from outside Washington who think Spokane is close to Seattle,” wrote Stephanie Cates. “I have to say that some people here are just as geographically clueless about cities in the eastern U.S.”

She is, of course, 100 percent correct. A Spokane sales clerk once asked if Michigan is in Chicago.

As a former Pennsylvanian, one of Cates’ favorites is people assuming Philadelphia and Pittsburgh are right next to each other.

“Today’s Slice question: Who around here would you like to see naked?