The Slice: Let’s raise a toast to ‘Last Night’

It’s a little late to organize it for this year.

But maybe on this date in 2007, we could celebrate “Last Night Spokane.”

This new festival would be different from “First Night Spokane” in a couple of key ways. One day earlier, it would toast the final night of the outgoing year, not the first night of the new one.

And instead of inviting people to stumble outside, stay up late and mill about in the cold, it would recognize a simple fact of life about Spokane.

Given their druthers, most people here would just as soon stay home.

“Last Night” could be Spokane’s first reality-based civic contrivance.

Its motto: “Thanks anyway.”

Now, of course, lots of local residents enjoy going out and doing things. And young single people, especially, will always want to do what salmon and young single people do.

But at this time of year, after Christmas, the idea of getting dressed in presentable clothes and plunging out into the darkness to mingle with the others, some of whom are certain to be drunk, lacks universal appeal.

“Last Night” would unapologetically salute the fact that this is a city of homebodies.

OK, sure, a bunch of people sitting home in jammies and sweatpants and falling asleep in reclining chairs while watching DVDs might not sound like much of a festival.

But I know what could tie it all together and help “Last Night” achieve true community-celebration status: a poster.

Each year’s “Last Night” could have a new poster. And maybe a T-shirt and buttons.

One year the art could depict the Riverfront Park Clock Tower as a tall TV remote. The next year, the poster could show a tray of snacks by a fireplace or a woman reading on her couch with her cat curled up by her side.

I’m telling you, “Last Night” could really be a hit.

You could call your friends and recite the festival’s anti-hype creed.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing. You?”

“Nothing.”

Happy Last Night!

And after an evening of cozy relaxation in our snug little homes, we might well wake up the next day and decide it could be fun to go downtown for “First Night.”

“Slice answer: “Ice cream,” wrote Dianne Cook. “That’s my nemesis. I don’t eat it when I’m out, and as long as I don’t buy any to have in my house, I’m OK.

“I have lots of willpower in other parts of my life. But if there’s a pint of Haagen-Dazs in the freezer, I’m helpless. It calls to me constantly until the whole thing is gone — sometimes in one evening. I block from my mind how many calories I have consumed. It’s better not to know.”

“Today’s Slice question: Does getting engaged on New Year’s Eve turn out to be a good idea?