The Slice: For these ‘pokes, buck stops here

I guess we all have a right to shape our own self-image.

But have you ever thought one of Spokane’s unacknowledged problems might be that there are far too many delusional men here who believe they are cowboys?

I’m serious.

You know the guys I’m talking about. Reality bucked them off, and they landed on their heads.

OK, let’s git along.

“Don’t say he didn’t warn you: Steve LaCombe describes himself as a “long-haired, crazy-looking guy.”

Here’s his story.

“So I was walking into a local sportsman’s store wearing camo shorts and a T-shirt which is totally black with the words ‘PSYCH WARD’ in solid white on both the front and back,” wrote LaCombe.

A man with two daughters came toward him and walked past.

Then LaCombe overheard a reference to his shirt that made him laugh.

“After they had passed and were presumably out of earshot, the father said, ‘At least he’s honest.’ “

“Meeting the new sibling: “I brought my newborn son Jordan home from the hospital and walked into the house where my 3-year-old daughter Shae was waiting to have a look at him,” wrote Jan Daniels. “She pleaded with me with her big brown eyes, ‘Can I pet him?’ “

Sure. Just as soon as his eyes are open.

“Just wondering: You know those frozen dinners that come with microwave instructions that call for multiple power settings and midcourse manipulation of the plastic covering?

Well, has any guy in history ever actually followed those cooking directions?

“The person around here least likely to want a massage: Kindergarten teacher Anne Remien nominated herself.

“I HATE massages,” she wrote. “I tense up if anyone even tries to rub my shoulders and it hurts. The worst is foot rubs. I cannot stand having anyone touch my feet.

“I also have a severe dentist phobia, so you can imagine my horror at a news story I saw several years ago about a dental office where you would get a nice foot rub while undergoing dental work.”

“Dinner bell: Tracy Castoldi has a pet fish, Patrick, that has learned to signal her when it is time to sprinkle some food on the aquarium’s surface. At least that’s her theory about what’s going on.

Using his mouth, Patrick picks up a rock from the bottom of the tank and then expels it hard against the glass. Castoldi said this makes a “pinging” sound. And she has interpreted it to mean, “Could I get a waitress over here to take my order?”

“Today’s Slice question: What do people say to you at parties?