The Slice: All hands on phones, matey

The next official Talk Like a Pirate Day isn’t until Sept. 19.

But I’m guessing 95 percent of Spokane area boat owners will not wait that long.

Need practice? Call The Slice and try out your “Arrrrrrrr” or “Avast!”

I’ll send one of those coveted reporter’s notebooks to the best buccaneer.

(Please call by 6 a.m. Monday. Make sure to let me know how to contact you. And be aware that I might share your pirate stylings with others.)

“One reason it’s better to get caught in a downpour on the South Hill than on the North Side: More umbrella trees.

“Top this: Sandra O’Connor, who works for the Riverside School District, became an aunt when she was 20 days old.

“I don’t know if it qualifies as a male secret: But it’s always fun to spot a truly striking woman walking toward you from a distance and then, when you get close, utterly and completely ignore her. I mean, just be totally oblivious.

This is especially amusing if the woman is dressed in a way that’s obviously supposed to make guys lose gross motor control.

Cruel? Nah. It’s good for ‘em.

“She’s probably not alone: Slice reader Charlotte Kanally resents it when marketers and others assume everyone has a computer.

“How to tell that you are shallow: You Google newsmaker Wen Ho Lee hoping to find pictures of his daughter.

“Just wondering: If you were going to warn a kid that two people riding on a single-seat bike is a bad idea, what incident from your past would you cite?

“No need for alarm: Spokane’s Mary McGuire had a case of bird flue, but everything is OK now. A furnace repairman removed the dead animal.

“This is what it has come to: Allow me to quote from a press release sent to The Slice.

“Women aren’t the only ones with problem areas! Women have padding and enhancement options and now thanks to Undergear, so do men!”

That reminds me of the cucumber- augmented trousers in “This is Spinal Tap.”

“The second show is at 10: In Hawaii years ago, Carole Heinen’s husband got a lot of sand in his swimsuit. On his way back to the room, he jumped in the hotel pool and secretly did what was necessary to extricate the wet gunk from his suit.

Only later did he realize that a lower-level hotel bar featured a large window offering an excellent underwater view of the pool.

“Warm-up question: After you’ve died, what piece of music or scene in a movie — something that always moved you — will make loved ones think of you every time they encounter it?

“Today’s Slice question: What Inland Northwest campground attracts the most eclectic crowd?