It all begins with a firm heart, not hand

In last week’s issue of 7, I wrote about the seven ways NOT to screw up you kids. The response that I’ve received so far has been positive, including from the family literacy programs offered through the Community Colleges of Spokane.

Susie Weller, who is a parenting instructor in the program, took the story to her students and asked them to come up with recommendations of their own. The results follows:

7 Keys to Parenting, from the Hillyard Family Literacy Students

1. Teach respect by your own example.
2. Be kind and use your hands for loving touches – not for hitting.
3. Teach children to respect all people and to appreciate diversity.
4. Listen to your children and make it safe and OK to share their feelings.
5. Use a respectful tone when speaking.
6. Even if the parents can’t get along, stay involved in your children’s lives and don’t put children in the middle.
7. When you make mistakes, learn from them. We all have lessons to learn in life.

7 Keys to Parenting, from the Adult Education Center Family Literacy Students

1. Use your heart, not your hands to let children know you love them.
2. Accept others for who they are. Celebrate their uniqueness and diversity.
3. Set limits and keep appropriate boundaries.
4. Take time outs as well as time-in to talk with your children.
5. Model respect and teach children your values and manners to become respectful adults.
6. Praise and encourage your children by noticing what they’re doing right rather than focusing on what they’ve done wrong.
7. Be responsible to teach your children how to become responsible adults.

I especially appreciate the points about using your heart instead of your hands to show your love. As someone who got the hell beat out of him as a kid – see “The Great Santini,” without the loving mother, and you’ll see my childhood – I know from personal experience the limitations of that kind of parenting.