The Slice: There’ll be fireworks, all right

Nothing’s sacred anymore.

You knew that.

But mark my words. In the next couple of weeks, you’re going to hear all sorts of nitwits complaining because the Fourth of July is celebrated on the actual, historically significant day (a Tuesday this year) and not on the nearest Monday.

Boo hoo.

Some traditions are more important than a long weekend.

“Semper felis: If you read the story last weekend about the New Jersey house cat that treed a bear, you probably asked yourself a question:

How would Inland Northwest felines fare in confrontations with bruins?

But before we address that, let’s review.

Earlier this month, a declawed, 10-year-old, orange-and-white tabby named Jack chased a black bear up a tree in a leafy suburb – twice. Then the cat’s owner called him off and the bear departed.

Jack doesn’t want strangers in his yard, his owner explained. He was just protecting his turf.

Pretty impressive, you’ve got to admit.

But are New Jersey pets tougher than Spokane area pussycats?

I say “No,” and here are five reasons why:

1. Our cats live near grizzly country. Anytime they are going to take on a bear, they have to first ask themselves if it might be ursus arctos horribilis.

2. New Jersey cats might affect a mobbed-up “Sopranos” swagger, but some of our cats are descended from the animal companions of Old West gunfighters and muleskinners.

3. Our felines live every day with the potential of seeing the occasional moose, eagle, coyote or mountain lion. A timid black bear isn’t apt to turn them into fraidy cats.

4. New Jersey cats might be able to hum Bruce Springsteen songs, but our cats know a few Bing Crosby tunes. Um, OK, maybe that’s one for the other side.

5. Northwestern cats understand that people, not bears, are the source of all of life’s problems (give or take a few bowls of tuna).

“It’s not about a bra size: I received a note from a guy named Don. He had an “overheard” submission for me. But I had to ask him how it was that “44D” became part of his e-mail address.

He explained that the 44 is a tribute to Hank Aaron, his favorite baseball player growing up. And the D is for Don.

Oh.

“It never occurred to me that it had a double meaning until after I had it for years,” he wrote.

Then he found out. “I was exchanging e-mail addresses with a new lady acquaintance.”

She saw the “44D.” “And her opinion of me took a quick 180 – dropping like Enron stock.”

“Today’s Slice question: Who holds the local record for getting married in June the greatest number of times?