The Slice: How’s the weather you ask? Grrrr

I have a theory.

It’s this: Everyone living around here has at least one big conflict with our area’s dominant cultural values or group mindset.

Maybe you don’t like kids or conservatives. Or perhaps you think salmon and huckleberries are overrated.

For me, it’s hot weather. Most people here love to see the thermometer climb. But I could live without it.

OK, I know high temps are conducive to enjoying watersports. I get it. And I’m not oblivious to summer’s sensual charms. It’s just not my favorite season.

I recently scanned a list of America’s “100 sweatiest” cities, and the three places where I lived before moving to Spokane in the ‘80s were all in the Top 20.

So I’ve served my time with hot weather. You can have it.

Of course, I’m not alone. But you’d never know it.

Regular Slice readers might recall my many rants over the years about Spokane broadcasters’ lunatic assumptions about what constitutes a “nice day.”

But it’s not just them.

I got an e-mail earlier this week from a local marketing coordinator. He wanted me to publicize an event. The press release began: “Good morning! Hope you are enjoying this warm weather as much as I.”

Sometimes hitting “delete” feels so good.

“Just wondering: Do packs of cyclists conversing at the top of their lungs at 5:30 a.m. have any idea how loud they are?

“Top 10 possible conclusions you can draw from the success of Hoopfest, Ironman, et cetera (feel free to pick and choose): 10. People pushing for social equity and economic justice in our communities need to make their cause seem more like outdoor recreation.

9. The events’ organizers know what they are doing.

8. It is possible to go several hours without watching TV.

7. Inland Northwesterners secretly find crowds exciting.

6. Inland Northwesterners have a lemming gene.

5. People promoting the arts need to recognize local spectators’ deep-seated urge to get sunburned and yell.

4. Serious reflection and somber contemplations of life’s meaning doesn’t readily lend itself to a 3-on-3 format. “OK, Angst Warriors, you’re up against Grace Gropers.”

3. The people putting on those events are afraid to go head-to-head with the weekday webcasts of the S-R editors’ meetings.

2. This area is populated by people whose best subject in school was recess.

1. In Spokane, a good idea can take off if wearing shorts is part of the plan.

“Don’t support puppy mills: Our local animal shelters have lots of great animals ready for adoption. Go see for yourself.

“Today’s Slice question: What’s always in your refrigerator?