The Slice: Senior citizens have seen it all

After The Slice wondered what senior citizens think of young women in ultra-tight tops, reader Kenyon Fields phoned with an observation.

That look isn’t altogether new, he said. “They used to be known as sweater girls.”

“There’s a signpost up ahead: Dana Eberly was on a Lincoln County back road when she saw a sign that said “Caution/No Warning Signs.”

But isn’t that a warning sign?

So really, drivers are, in fact, warned that there are no warnings.

After that, you’re on your own.

Tricky curves ahead? Elk crossing? Dip in the road?

Who knows?

But you’ve been warned … about the lack of warnings.

“Fill in the blanks: In Spokane, () is the new ().

“Yes, he had that Bob Newhart album: H.J. Godbey, who lives over near Grand Coulee Dam, used to be a state driver’s licensing examiner. He didn’t think my reference last weekend to how one should park on a hill was adequately precise. So he sent me a copy of the official Washington Driver Guide.

I called to thank him. And I asked if he could pinpoint the scariest driver’s test he ever conducted.

He didn’t miss a beat. He told me about a woman from Wilbur, Wash., who almost got him killed by zooming past a stop sign next to a highway, among other hair-raising transgressions. When that particular ordeal was over, Godbey informed the test-taker that she was nowhere near ready for the road.

“Well,” said the unflustered woman. “In Wilbur, people know to get out of my way.”

“Assumptions about someone wearing items from the S-R line of apparel: Terry Bain offered several. Here are two.

“Works at this address: 999 W. Riverside, Spokane.”

“Has an interview today at this address: 999 W. Riverside, Spokane.”

“Report from the WASL front: A friend down in St. John, Wash., told of a fourth-grade girl overheard talking about her “suppository” writing section.

Upon successful completion of that test, the kids will be officially ready to write angry letters to the editor.

“I’ll bet you: That the winner of today’s Kentucky Derby won’t break Secretariat’s record for the fastest time in the race.

And, yes, I know a horse named Spokane won it in 1889.

“Slice answer: Curt Olsen guessed that buying condoms isn’t matter of fact and mundane for those purchasing them from an actual person (not a vending machine) for the first time.

“Today’s Slice question: What percentage of Spokane area 14-year-old boys who affect hip-hop mannerisms and speech seem utterly ridiculous?