The Slice: Making a few extra points

This is a confession.

It’s not an attempt to win over hearts and minds.

You see, I really enjoy watching big-time college football on TV. I like the action, the color and the element of unpredictability – at least early in the season.

The NFL, I could live without. But for some reason, I can sit through long stretches of televised college football, flipping from game to game.

I feel conflicted about it, though. And here’s my Top 10 reasons why:

1. In all but a few cases, I’m opposed to athletic scholarships. It’s just a values thing.

2. The absurdity of recruiting reality. Ever notice how Northwest California-bashers get quiet when someone asks where their alma mater’s players come from?

3. Race and sociology. At the very least, stadiums mostly full of white people cheering on teams dominated by black players raises some questions.

4. Race and sociology, Part 2. It’s my opinion that black athletes – even the great guys with moving, heroic stories – are exactly the wrong kind of role models for black children needing to prepare for real life.

5. What’s with state troopers escorting coaches off the field? I realize that’s mostly a Southern thing, but still. It bugs me.

6. The human body was not designed for the physics of football. All those knee injuries are not some unfortunate coincidence.

7. Call me a cynic. But I have a sneaking suspicion that more than a few of my fellow fans aren’t keeping up with current events. And I fear their priorities in life don’t really tackle life’s big questions.

8. When I listen to most coaches, color commentators and ESPN gas bags, I’m forced to conclude that they probably aren’t big fans of the Bill of Rights. Just a hunch.

9. Coaches’ salaries, money spent on athletic facilities, et cetera. Again, it’s a values thing.

10. Those hilarious “lab coats” promo spots for the various schools. Right, that’s what big-time college football is all about. Pay no attention to that TV money behind the curtain and those demented boosters who think academic standards are a commie plot.

So, OK, there’s my secret shame (one of them, anyway).

The answer should be simple. I can just turn off the TV and head out to Whitworth to watch a game at the Pine Bowl now and then.

Yes, but then I would deprive myself of the pleasure of imagining certain know-it-alls dining on crow while watching, say, Tennessee dismantle Cal. And I’d miss out on seeing the WSU coaches bench a magma-hot quarterback and wondering what John Blanchette will have to say about it when I grab the S-R from the porch the next morning.

So go ahead and tell me: “Get a life.”

OK. It’s a deal. Right after we see who will be the first to knock off Notre Dame.

“Today’s Slice question: What’s your guilty pleasure?