The Slice: If screenplay’s a hit, hopefully he’s a shoo-in

So I’m sitting not far from a coffee stand inside a Spokane shopping mall.

I’m looking at a pair of shoes I’ve just purchased, trying to decide if they are what I really wanted.

Behind me, at another table, I hear a couple greet one another. It’s a planned rendezvous. He is loud, she is not.

He gives her a card or something. She thanks him. He says she has been a good friend.

Then he gives her something else. “It’s a screenplay,” he says.

He says he wants her opinion about whether it would be marketable.

“Oh, brother,” I think.

OK, I know eavesdropping isn’t perfect manners. But the guy behind me is not easy to tune out.

“Writing is my gift,” he says. “It certainly isn’t accounting. Though I can do accounting.”

He assures her the screenplay is full of humor.

With nothing more to go on, I decide that at some point in the past the woman has initiated the “Let’s just be friends” talk. Can’t blame her.

I’m curious about what they look like, but I don’t turn around.

Maybe he thinks it’s a “date,” maybe he doesn’t. In any event, I keep examining my new shoes and listening to his half of the conversation.

Eventually something unexpected happens. I start to root for him.

I’m not sure why. Gender loyalty? Pity? I don’t know. Maybe I’ve decided he’s not a nut, just a lonely guy yearning to make a connection.

They talk about the fact that the pages of the screenplay are not numbered. He hopes it won’t be a problem.

I hear their chairs scoot back. They get up to leave. And I find myself hoping the screenplay is brilliant.

“Reader challenge: There’s a housing development near Liberty Lake called Brigadoon. It’s probably not much like the mystical Scottish village of stage and screen. No matter. Your task is to pick another musical that would make a good (or even ridiculous) name for a subdivision. Also, please suggest one or two special covenants or PUD rules inspired by that name.

I’ll send a coveted reporter’s notebook to at least one lucky reader.

“Warm-up questions: In your family, what do you call the grit that collects in the corners of the eyes during sleep? How many people around here have never used an ATM and have no intention of ever doing so? What Spokane area hair stylist’s accounts of love-life woes could easily be turned into a TV show? Does the simple act of stepping out your back door always send your neighbor’s dog into a barking frenzy?

“Today’s Slice question: What social service program would be the best outlet for childless adults who reach a certain age and decide that they would sort of like to be grandparents?