The Slice: At least for a day, the West is cooler

When does winter begin?

It depends.

In Spokane, the winter solstice — the official start of the season — will take place late on Dec. 21.

But back in the Eastern time zone, the magic moment occurs early on Dec. 22.

So, in a sense, winter kicks off a day earlier in the West this year than it does in places such as New York and the other Washington.

Make of that what you will.

“No escape: Sue Glass was recuperating from surgery recently when the phone rang in her hospital room. It was an automated call inquiring about her interest in refinancing her mortgage. Or it might have been about a home equity loan. Glass was still in too much of a medicated fog to be sure.

Maybe these outfits have figured out that no one will listen to such time-wasting messages unless heavily drugged.

“Just wondering: Do residents of one part of Spokane tend to be worse drivers than those in another? Show your work.

“Slice answers: South Hill resident Kiersten Moss, 11, said the holiday movies based on her family would be called either “A Very Special Zoo” or “The Loudest Christmas Ever.”

Spokane yule enthusiast Maggie Fritz provided an outline for “A Very Special Christmas Intervention.”

“Friends and family attempt to stop a woman from Christmas overdrive. Watch them try in vain to keep her from buying magazines promising ‘633 simple ways to brighten your Christmas holiday.’ See them beg her not to go to the Old World Christmas outlet. See them attempt to hide craft store sale fliers.

“Hear her rationalizations: ‘But Laura Bush has 10 Christmas trees, why can’t we?’

“Watch in amazement as she tries to make hand-crafted gifts for everyone she knows, starting a full-size quilt on Dec. 22. Sympathize as her family cringes when she tries to make them watch ‘White Christmas’ AGAIN.

“They finally call in an intervention specialist, but it falls apart when none of the attendees is willing to relinquish their favorite cookie variety.

“The show ends as the camera slowly pans over 5 pounds of butter reaching room temperature on the counter while that cloying song about the kid buying shoes for his dying mother plays in the background.”

“Today’s Slice question: What would happen to your brain if you listened all day, every day to that Spokane radio station playing wall-to-wall Christmas music?