The Slice: Not quite like it was scripted

OK, here’s my theory.

Some women who moved here from other regions were slightly disappointed with the Northwest because life here is not really much like the movie “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers” or the TV show, “Here Come the Brides.” There’s less dancing, for one thing.

Feel free to weigh in on this.

“For those who think young: Amber Parviainen, a teacher at South Pines Elementary School, has kept track of favorite moments from show and tell.

Here are a few recollections.

“A first-grade boy shared that his grandfather passed away from smoking cigarettes, and another in the class interrupted by saying that his dad won’t die from smoking because he only smokes a pack a day.”

“I had a little one once share that he has been praying to God that his father will stop chewing tobacco. His father was a pastor.”

“I once had a first-grader share that he had lost about 12 pounds because he started working with a personal trainer.”

Then there was the third-grade boy whose family was about to host some college students from Missoula. Parviainen asked him if he was excited. “Oh, yes,” he said. “And I can’t wait to see what language they speak.”

“Here’s another way to tell that you are getting old: You recognize the following:

“Mother, please! I’d rather do it myself!”

Yes, that’s a famous line from an ancient Anacin commercial.

Well, now here’s your chance to relive the good times. You know, back when fast, fast pain relief held the promise of fixing personality problems and taking your mind off those pesky Soviet missiles.

I’ll send a coveted reporter’s notebook to the amateur actress who calls The Slice and records the most compelling performance of that small-screen temper flare-up.

Of course, I don’t want to leave the guys out of this. So, gentlemen, please consider yourself invited to call in your reading of a line from another commercial in that memorable series.

“Can’t you keep Billy’s bicycle out of the driveway!”

“Slice answer: “My kids went further than talking over a battery-powered toothbrush,” wrote Pat Grover. “They always talked the minute I stepped on my treadmill (it was older and noisy), and the second I turned my hair dryer on.”

So then her choices were to turn them off or engage in a lip-reading session.

“Warm-up question: Who at your business most consistently sends this message to customers: “You are an idiot and I just hate you”?

“Today’s Slice question: Who has logged the most hours watching KSPS programming in the 40 years the public TV station has been on the air?