The Slice: Time is here to shape up for real life

So you’re not doing Bloomsday?

Well, that still requires a certain kind of training. You have 64 days to prepare for not being in the race. So start this weekend and take it a day at a time.

If you have trouble coming up with your own plan, here’s one you can borrow.

64. Use chisel to clean bathroom mirror. 63. Frown at tax-return stuff. 62. Skip telling people about your Ilana Gold dream. 61. Assert that you are descended from the Duke of Sandpoint. 60. Ignore evidence that your roof is shot.

59. Call friend and point out that some of Canada is south of Spokane. 58. Get Neil Young song stuck in your head. 57. Cull buckshot underwear. 56. Become apoplectic about the NCAA brackets. 55. Take a bold stand against clutter. 54. Haul all that stuff back inside. 53. Write coherent letter to the editor. 52. Launch teeth whitening regimen. 51. French toast for dinner. 50. Replace co-worker’s candy you ate.

49. Scoff when a known liar claims a high SAT score. 48. Read something by Calvin Trillin. 47. Frown at your closet. 46. Drive around in a part of town you don’t know well. 45. Come up with a Spokane catch-phrase. 44. Invent a dance called “The Post Falls.” 43. Call Paul Turner and tell him you are sick of “OK, let’s move on.” 42. Lose one pound. 41. Celebrate with ice cream. 40. Tell the driver to put away the phone.

39. Call someone six months younger than yourself a “punk.” 38. Tell your dodgeball story. 37. Cut up one bad-boy credit card. 36. Replace smoke detector battery. 35. Reduce by 50 percent the number of times per day you check e-mail. 34. Cut an elderly relative some slack in a conversation about civil liberties. 33. Carry a Wiffle ball around at work. 32. Critique someone’s hatchet-like laugh. 31. Count the number of times someone gets shot in the head in “The Departed.” 30. Use the word “fiasco” in a meeting.

29. Organize T-shirts. 28. Wrap garage Christo-style. 27. Sing “Born Free” to your cat. 26. Start food journal. 25. Stop referring to your brother’s kids as “feral.” 24. Call someone younger than 40 “helmet boy.” 23. Find an occasion to snarl, “I said GOOD DAY, sir.” 22. Take the time to make a child a special sandwich. 21. Count the notable character actors in “The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.” 20. Place a stranger under citizen’s arrest.

19. Frown at your lawn. 18. Tell your blind-date story. 17. Try to spot a couple of constellations in the night sky. 16. Call in a news tip. 15. Do 10 push-ups. 14. Tweak your oatmeal recipe. 13. Start rumor that John Blanchette is actually a composite character. 12. Declare mauve “the new black.” 11. Argue about which generation had better toys. 10. Frown at your bills.

9. Dare co-worker to pat you down, cop-show style. 8. Go whole day without using foul language. 7. Ignore 2008 presidential race. 6. Stop saying “methinks.” 5. Pet a dog. 4. Clean out the fridge. 3. Say “OK, Dean Wormer – whatever you say” to the big boss. 2. Come up with an affordable new Spokane lifestyle. 1. Carbo-load, just for the heck of it.

“Today’s Slice question: Who is the hardest working person in Spokane?