The Slice: After tomorrow, don’t bother calling for a few months

My first boss after college had a dress code for the guys on his staff.

From Labor Day until Memorial Day, we were supposed to wear neckties on the job. After Memorial Day, ties were optional.

As I recall, no one had a problem with that rule.

But who really cares about neckties nowadays? If I were in charge, I would issue altogether different decrees.

From Labor Day until Memorial Day, everyone in the Spokane area would be expected to …

– Say hello to at least 10 strangers every day.

– Come up with critiques of The Spokesman-Review better than, “They’re just trying to sell papers.” (Folks, the vast majority of this newspaper’s circulation is home-delivery subscriptions. Editors spend an ungodly amount of time talking about what ought to go on the front page. But in the end, those decisions don’t immediately influence sales all that much.)

– Stop lying to police officers.

– Wear comfortable shoes.

– Remember that it’s possible to pay for small purchases with cash.

– And realize many people aren’t really up to the job of having kids or owning pets.

But after Memorial Day, you would not be required to…

– Be diplomatic when sharing your opinion about certain of your teenager’s friends.

– Bite your lip and stay silent when a family member needs to be told that he or she is possibly Spokane’s worst driver.

– Show even the slightest interest in a co-worker’s claims about mythical job offers in Seattle.

– Read e-mails sent by someone who did not sign his or her name.

– Defend your practice of not always answering the phone.

“Speaking of dress codes: I honestly think I could wear a T-shirt every day between now and Labor Day and never don the same one twice. I wonder how many of my readers could say that.

“Follow-up: Remember the Chicago magician I mentioned in Friday’s column? Well, his case of props finally showed up last week. But I’m told his performances in Whitman County were a hit even before the tools of his trade caught up with him.

Apparently he is now thinking of writing a book about how to perform magic using common household items.

“Slice answer: Grandmother Cheri A. Moore reports that rubber duckies have never gone out of style as in-demand tub toys.

“Warm-up question: Next year, when the media celebrate the 30th anniversary of filmed-in-the-Northwest “Animal House,” how will the racially insensitive “primitive cultures” scene be regarded?

“Today’s Slice question: On what day this summer will this newspaper run its first heat-wave story quoting memory-challenged people who seem surprised and amazed that it gets hot here?