The Slice: Santa’s on thin ice with this decision

Something alarming has come to my attention.

On Dec. 15, Santa Claus is going to skate at the Ice Palace in Riverfront Park.

I guess this is part of his astonishingly far-flung outreach program. But isn’t he a little old to be doing this?

I mean, what if he falls and suffers a concussion?

Hitting your head on the ice isn’t like landing on a reindeer. There’s no give.

And even if his advancing age isn’t an issue, let’s talk about his physical condition. It’s one thing to park your red-clad butt on a bench in a mall for a few hours. But skating?

Last time I saw Santa, he didn’t look like he would be able to reach his skate laces.

Or what if a couple of rotten little kids devise a devious plan where one of them body checks Saint Nick into the boards and the other rushes to the crumpled gift-giver’s aid, Christmas list in hand?

It could get ugly.

But maybe I’m worried for no good reason. Perhaps Santa is a strong skater. He’s from a place where it gets cold, after all. Maybe he’ll hold his own out there.

If you want to find out, the event runs from noon until 2 p.m.

Call (800) 336-PARK for details.

“Second chances: If your turkey didn’t turn out perfectly last week, maybe you would like to try again in December.

But this time, you might want to consider some turkey-cooking tips from the little kids at Spokane’s Care-A-Lot Kingdom. (Thanks to Connie King for passing them along.)

“You need a five pound turkey.” – Terissa

“You get a turkey at the pet shop.” – Riley

“You pay twenty dollars.” – Crescent

“Put barbecue sauce on it.” – Tyler

“Put a brownish-tan sauce on it.” – Lici

“You put candy bags around the turkey.” – Ella

“Put it in the oven on at least 50 degrees.” – David

“Cook it for about two hours.” – Brendyn

“Turn the pan around a whole bunch of times.” – Austin

“Look at it. It might look OK.” – Conor

“If it’s done, it will be black.” – Tristen

“Grab the turkey with those mitten things.” – Jordan

“Cut it with a white, clean knife.” – Bradley

“Try to get a leg off.” – Chet

“Use a knife, sometimes sharp and sometimes not.” – Myranda

“Put it on a big white plate with blue stripes.” – Cinamin

“Today’s Slice question: What’s wrong with people who don’t respond in any way when you look them in the eye and say hello?