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The Slice: Come fall, raccoons tend to go all-in
This weekend marks a seasonal transition in the Inland Northwest.
Area families start thinking about closing up their lake homes. And raccoons begin making plans to move back into these shoreline cabins.
With this changing of the guard in mind, The Slice interviewed Rory T. Biteman, executive administrator and chief spokesracc for the Greater Spokane Area Alliance of Raccoons.
Q: So how many raccoons spend part of their winters in lake homes?
A: As many as possible. Those beds can be snugsville.
Q: Are you aware that the human owners of these places consider this trespassing?
A: An elementary understanding of squatter’s rights might make them change their tune. Besides, we don’t regard it as trespassing. We prefer to think of it as custodial caretaking.
Q: What would you say to people who will be “closing up” their lake places soon?
A: Don’t forget to leave some graham crackers behind. And maybe some Halloween candy.
Q: Aren’t raccoons supposed to be wild animals?
A: Yes, wild about comfort and quality snacks.
Q: What do raccoons do once they get inside?
A: Well, it depends on the TV reception. But it’s customary to conduct an inventory of the pantry and then begin getting a poker tournament lined up.
Q: Where do raccoons come down on the question of this area’s best lake?
A: That’s hotly debated. But there’s always a lingering loyalty to the lake you went to as a kid.
Q: Do you think cabin-raiding raccoons are misunderstood?
A: Cabin- raiding? We prefer to think of it as subletting. You’re that guy who has a thing about marmots, aren’t you? I’d be careful around them, pal. They can be nasty little buggers. Besides, we’re much cuter.
Q: Do lake-home raccoons hibernate?
A: Depends on the state of the liquor cabinet.
Q: What do you think of most people’s efforts to keep you from getting in?
A: Ahahahahahaha. People. Bless their hearts. You gotta love ‘em.
Q: Are Spokane area raccoons different from raccoons in, say, Oregon or Minnesota?
A: Well, we tend to think that the fact nobody calls the GU basketball team “the Bulldogs” suggests it is time for a new mascot — maybe one with a handsome masked-bandit face and becoming ringtail.
“Today’s Slice question: Who had the all-time strangest college roommate?