Doug Clark: 10 Ideations for our Incan rulers to peruse

Things sure are looking up for Spokane and our Greater Inc.

In a pep rally held at the convention center last week, Forbes magazine publisher Rich Karlgaard told an assemblage of civic boosters that, for the first time in 30 years, “the wind is at your back.”

There have been times when I felt a wind breaking at my back. Unfortunately, it always turned out to be an angry editor breathing down my neck.

But the cheery news doesn’t end here. According to the newspaper account, Karlgaard also told us, “Hey, you’re doing a lot of things right.”

Talk about a coincidence. This is the exact same message I got last week in a fortune cookie.

Anyway, the publisher’s keynote address was a highlight of the annual meeting of Greater Spokane Inc. – the organization that used to be the Spokane Regional Chamber of Commerce.

The name change took place last January after some of the group’s top thinkers decided that “Chamber of Commerce” was too easily recognized.

They wanted something more mysterious and confusing. That problem was solved by merging the chamber with an economic development cabal full of very important people who wouldn’t have lunch with me unless they lost a bet.

The plan worked. Much of the public remains clueless about what Greater Spokane Inc. is or does.

Little Known Fact: 37 percent of Greater Spokane Inc. membership think they’re associated with an industrial park manufacturing plant.

But there have been solid signs of progress. Like when I was not beaten to a pulp after singing my sarcastic Spokane song at Greater Spokane Inc. events.

Even more positive is the exciting new campaign Greater Spokane Incans have hatched called “Ideation.”

Q: Is Ideation even a word?

A: Sadly, yes.

The plan is to solicit the 100 best ideations that will help propel the Inland Northwest across the Bridge to the 20th Century.

Submit your brainstorms online at www.newideasinw.com.

Or don’t bother. I don’t want to brag, but I hawk up more brilliant ideas before breakfast than most people will expel in a lifetime. For example:

Ideation 1: Replace dumb town slogan “Spokane. Near Nature. Near Perfect.” with funny saying on my favorite sweat shirt: “Spokane Falls. And Can’t Get Up.”

Ideation 2: Or “Don’t Tase Me, Bro.” That works, too.

Ideation 3: It’s time the city of Spokane Valley adopted a meaningful slogan. “Spokane Valley – Where People Go To Park” is a good one.

Ideation 4: Speaking of Spokane Valley, I say this municipal impostor either settles on a city center by next week or changes its name to Stripmallvania.

Ideation 5: Add warning label to Spokane highway entry signs. “Welcome to Spokane (Beware: City is under a Gypsy Curse.)”

Ideation 6: Commission a bust of Jimmy Marks (the recently deceased Gypsy leader who hexed our city) to be placed among the civic heads that line the side of The Spokesman- Review’s printing facility at Monroe and Riverside. Jimmy’s bust should include trademark Panama hat and Cuban cigar.

Ideation 7: Change Spokane’s “Strong Mayor System” with more historically accurate “Wrong Mayor System.”

Ideation 8: Replace public testimonial time during Spokane City Council meetings with pole dance demonstrations from rotation of visiting strippers. (This will really boost interest in local government.)

Ideation 9: Change Greater Spokane Inc. back to Spokane Regional Chamber of Commerce.

Ideation 10: Deport bozos who picked word “Ideation” to Stevens County.

Uh, oh. I’m feeling that icy wind of doom at my back again.