HBO @ Noon: Bad Opening Lines

Item: Local writers win bad-prose prizes /Seattle Times

Bad Opening Line: “Nobody knew just who the steely-eyed stranger was, where he came from, where he was headed, or what his intentions were while he was in Dodge City,” wrote McKenzie, 54, an aerospace quality consultant. “He wasn’t an hombre you’d want to stick your tongue out at or flip off, and any man who tried to tickle him would be asking for a long stay in a pine box.”

Question: Can you write a bad opening line for a novel based on a Huckleberries Online theme, blog, or commenter?