The Slice: What stands up must go down

One great reason for wearing a big, puffy coat is that it cushions your fall when you go down.

And if you haven’t fallen yet, just wait. You will.

It happens at approximately the speed of light. One moment you’re cruising along, bold and free, in charge of your life. Then – wham – DOWN GOES FRAZIER!

I wonder why it’s so embarrassing. After all, assuming your footwear isn’t ridiculous, it’s not like falling on snow or ice is a measure of incompetence or personal inadequacy.

It’s just something that happens at this time of year.

Here’s hoping you’ll be able to get up and brush yourself off.

Seeing into the future: Something tells me the downtown river falls are going to put on a show again next spring.

Here’s a tip: When the bus driver is obviously stressed about making it up a hill and is puffing his cheeks like a blowfish, it might not be a good time to try to engage him in idle chitchat.

Just wondering: When did you realize there was a limit to how much snow you could clear with just your good intentions and your shovel?

The perfect breed for a wheat-growing region: A classified ad last week offered “Pure Bread Siamese Kittens” for $100 each.

One of my colleagues said, “Siamese – The other white bread.”

Another said, “You knead these.”

Spokane vocabulary: What do you call the barricade of snow at the end of your driveway that the plows create? And what verb do you use to describe your efforts to re-establish an opening?

Actions and consequences: It’s natural to want to help a motorist stuck in the snow. After all, that can happen to anyone.

Sometimes, though, it is hard to resist questioning the judgment of the driver. When the vehicle in question is ill-suited in every way for maneuvering in deep snow and yet the motorist just plunged right in, well, it’s possible to have mixed feelings about exerting yourself to bail that individual out.

It sort of reminds me of those people who bought insanely expensive houses by signing up for impossible mortgages.

No one wants to see lives wrecked. But what were they thinking?

Today’s Slice question: If you have been more or less snowed in, what will induce you to finally venture out?

A) You’ve gotten down to the last few diapers. B) You are out of cigarettes. C) You are out of beer. D) A hard-to-reschedule appointment. E) You’ve decided it’s time to start your Christmas shopping. F) The prospect of intimate social congress. G) Other.